What is Love?
by CSI-missy
Summary: Formerly, Crossover ERHouse; Chase has up and left, moving to Chicago General, why? Read and find out...sorry 'bout the bad summery, but it's hard to summerize, you'll just have to read it. pure slash love. And The Last Chapter is up!
1. A month ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! And if you don't like slash, this will become slash eventually, however brief. Hope you like!**

He walked through the hall like he owned the place. Medium build, chin length sandy blond hair and the bluest eyes this side of California; a white lab coat draped over one shoulder and one hand buried in the pocket of his dark slacks. Every eye followed him as he entered the ER and walked past the reception desk with a soft half smile as he walked to the attendings' office.

"Did you see that?" asked Abby, turning to the other doctors, but directing her question mostly to Sam and Nila.

"You mean the blonde that just walked over to the attendings' office?" asked Sam.

"Yeah, that one."

"Then yeah, I did." Ray rolled his eyes and turned to the girls, who were still staring at the door of the attendings' office.

"Alright, girls," he said, "back to work." Smiles all around as another day in the ER began, though with something to be thought about and looked forward too.

_A month ago:_

He was so tired of the abuse. He rested his head against his locker and took a deep breath, his blonde hair blocking his peripheral vision, so he just focused on the tiles on the floor. He was tired of having everything rubbed in his face and his mistakes made public so everyone knew if he screwed up. He was sick and tired of working here, he just wanted out. He jumped when the door opened and he spun to face the new comer. James Wilson entered, holding up a hand.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"Don't worry about it," he replied in his thick Australian accent. James nodded.

"So, you okay?"

"Yeah. I just…"

"House?" James asked, referring to the young doctor's boss. He nodded.

"Look, Chase, you can sit here and beat your head against your locker, or you can do something about it."

"I'm not beating my head against the locker."

"Alright, you're taking your anger out on the locker? I don't see any dents, but that doesn't mean anything."

"It's nothing, I'm not angry. It's just…House."

"He isn't so bad; he just likes to feel important. And in all reality, he is. You're not the only target, he treats everyone this way."

"Look, Wilson, you're House's best friend, possibly his only friend, so what ever you say about him isn't going to mean much, now is it?"

"You're right. What do you think?"

"I think…either House hates me, or he loves me. And I can't deal with either."

"So what are you going to do about it?" The young doctor passed James a sheet of paper. James looked down at it. "A transference paper?"

"I'm transferring to the ER of Chicago General. I need someone to sign it to say that I'm as good a doctor as I say I am. If you don't, I'll just get Cuddy to sign it."

"Why?" Chase looked at the older doctor so James elaborated. "Why are you leaving?"

"I can't deal with what's going on here."

"What's going on here?"

"It doesn't matter." He stood up and left.


	2. three weeks ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! **

He sat across the desk from one of the attendings, a tall middle aged man with dark features. He wore the typical doctor attire, dress shirt with tie, slacks and a lab coat. He looked at the young doctor in front of him for a moment the smiled.

"Dr. Chase. It's good to finally meet you. I've heard good things from your colleagues," he said. Chase smiled.

"Thank you, Dr. Kovach. It's good to hear my work is appreciated."

"Well, we're always in need of new doctors in the ER so I was only too happy to get your application. I would like to know a few things first though, just so I know."

"Ask away."

"Why'd you leave PPTH?" he asked, and Chase looked down.

"I…needed something that they couldn't give me."

"Like what?"

"Respect, appreciation, understanding and trust. They didn't trust me, they didn't respect me or my space and I never felt like what I was doing mattered. Except from the patient, nobody cared."

"I see, and you think the ER will…complete you?"

"I don't know. But it can't hurt for a change of scenery. I feel at home in the ER, being an intensivist and all. Honestly, I'm just looking for a place to belong. And I think it might be here."

"Well, I think you might be right. Welcome to the ER." Dr. Kovach extended a hand and the young intensivist, Robert Chase, shook it, sealing the deal and the change.

_Three Weeks Ago_

"I think something's wrong with the wombat," said House. James looked at him for a minute then back at where the ducklings sat, brainstorming a differential diagnosis.

"Why would you think that?" he asked, even though he already knew.

"He's gone home sick four times in the last week."

"Maybe he's sick."

"Chase is never sick."

"Everybody gets sick, House."

"Not Chase."

"Even Chase."

"He's hiding something. I know it. I'm gonna find out what it is."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to help me snoop."

"Oh no. I'm not spying on Chase. He's a grown man; he can take care of himself! Why do you care so much anyways?"

"I think he's going to quit."

"Chase? Never. They're all way to dedicated to you."

"Not Chase, he could have his pick of hospitals and it's only a matter of time before he leaves."

"He's not leaving," said James, even though he knew it wasn't the truth.


	3. two weeks ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! **

Dr. Kovach led Chase into the room where, surprisingly, everyone stood at the center desk. Whether checking patients in or out or with little to do, they had all grouped together to meet the new kid.

"Everyone, this is Dr. Robert Chase, our new ER doctor. He just moved here from Jersey's Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital so I want you to show him the ropes in Chicago General. Understood?" he asked. Everyone nodded. Abby walked up and extended her hand.

"Abigail Lockhart, R4. Nice to meet you," she said; then she turned to Dr. Kovach. "Luca, we need to talk later, before you leave."

"Sure," he said, nodding. Chase walked up to the desk. Ray shook his hand too.

"Ray Barnett, R4, nice to meet ya. That's Archie Morris over there and Sam Taggart's making the rounds. I'll show you around, if you want."

"That'd be great," said Chase. It was the first he spoke and his thick accent caught Abby and Ray off guard.

"Australian?" asked Abby. Chase nodded.

"I have to get back to work, Kerry wants to talk budget, but I'll be down later," said Luca as he turned and headed back the way he came. Chase watched him leave, but was brought back by the doors of the ER opening quickly as the paramedics wheeled in a bleeding young boy. Chase snapped too and followed Ray and Abby to the ER. His first day had finally begun.

_Two Weeks Ago_

"You know what's going on?" House asked as he entered the office. Lisa Cuddy looked up from her paper work.

"And you're assuming I know what the hell you're talking about," she replied. House leaned on his cane and glared at her.

"What's happening to my doctors?"

"I didn't now something was wrong with you're doctors."

"Chase has gone home early seven times in two weeks."

"Yes, I know. I got his clock out times."

"Why?"

"Because I'm his boss and I-"

"No, why was he leaving early?"

"Because he was sick?"

"That was a question."

"I don't know. But he's fine, you're paranoid and I'm getting ready for a meeting. Go away."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong with the wombat."

"'The wombat' is fine. Just go talk to him and figure it out. Good bye." House shook his head and walked out. He wasn't going to get anything from Cuddy, might as well talk to someone else. Maybe the other ducklings knew something.

"Foreman!" he yelled down the hallway. The doctor turned and looked at him.

"What do you want?"

"What's wrong with Chase?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Chase has gone home sick-"

"Seven time in two weeks. We know; he's not feeling well."

"You're gonna believe that?"

"I'm not gonna worry about him unless I need to. What's this about anyways?"

"Can't I be worried about my doctors?"

"Yeah, but you're not."

"Fine, I'll ask Cameron. She'll know what's wrong." He headed off down the hallway.


	4. a week ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! Oh, and a friend told me that the children's ward is called NICO, but if it isn't please tell me so I can change it, thanks! **

"We need to Incubate. Chase!" yelled Abby, but Chase was on it. Sam had joined the group and passed Chase everything. He was working on it as Abby said it.

"Got it. Just a second, and…I'm in!" He pulled the tube out and attached the ventilator. Ray was draining the blood from a bleeding chest wound while the other doctors swarmed about. Chase felt at home in the ER, the adrenaline pumped through his body as he worked. Stitching up a few more cuts. Ray clamped the bleeder and moved aside as Chase came by with the surgical needle.

"I got it," he said and Ray headed off to find the guy a room. Once the cut was stitched they let out a collective sigh. The worst was over, he'd be on high alert for a couple days, but then he'd be fine.

"Good job, Chase," said Abby as she passed him to go check on a few of her other patients, he nodded.

"Thanks, Abby." In ER he'd learned the names pretty quickly. He recited them in his head. Abby, Ray, and Sam had been in ER with him, Luca was the attending, and that was all he could remember at that moment. A red headed doctor with a goatee passed him a chart and Chase looked up. They hadn't talked, or met for that matter. The doctor looked at him for a moment then nodded.

"You must be the new guy," he said and Chase nodded.

"Dr. Robert Chase, you are?"

"Archie Morris, attending," he said extending his hand. Chase put the file under one arm and shook his hand before moving to check on a girl who'd come in for stitches earlier.

"Nice to meet you, I've got to do a dressing change, but call if you need me," he called over his shoulder. Morris smiled as he watched Chase walk off. Two paramedics' wheeled in an elderly man who'd been pushed down the stairs and Morris and Ray were back in ER.

_A week ago_

House had finally resigned himself to talking to Chase, although he doubted the intensivist would tell him anything. Chase was in clinic that day, helping the inexcusably stupid seemed to be something Chase did more and more often. When House couldn't find Chase he was in one of two places, Clinic or NICO. Today was no different. House limped up to the nurse at reception.

"You haven't by chance seen a cute blond doctor, probably hiding in one of your exam rooms?"

"If you mean Dr. Chase, then yes I have," she said. House waited a moment, hoping she'd tell him which room he was in, but she didn't.

"Where is he?" he finally asked. The nurse smiled and pointed to Exam six. "Thanks you." He headed off to the room but turned around quickly.

"Something else, Dr. House?" asked the nurse.

"Yes, is Dr. Wilson around?"

"Exam five."

"Thanks," he said. "How convenient," he thought, "the two people I need are a room apart." He headed to Exam five first, barging in to find Wilson doing a check-up on a six year old boy.

"Need a consult."

"With a patient."

"Kind of important."

"Five minutes."

"Don't have that long." Wilson looked over his shoulder at the older doctor.

"Your patients going to die if I don't see him in five minutes?"

"It's Chase."

"I'm not helping you spy on Chase." Wilson returned to the patient at hand.

"You don't need to spy; you just need to help me out."

"Give me five minutes."

"Fine, but if he's gone by the time you get out, I'm blaming you. Exam six when you're done."

"Good bye, House." House left the room and headed the two steps to exam six. He needed to distract Chase until Wilson showed up.

"Dr. Chase!" he yelled as he entered. Chase looked at him from his position on the exam table. Chase was taking a nap.

"Can I help you?"

"Where's your patient?"

"Just left. I decided to take a nap. Now, what do you want?"

"Um…"

"I've got to go. I've got to be in NICO in ten."

"No, you don't. You're trying to hide from me by being busy in NICO and Clinic."

"Oh yes, I'm hiding. Kind of sounds like someone else I know."

"Like you really want to compare yourself to me. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're always sick, you're hiding from me, willingly spending time in Clinic and I'm pretty sure you're hiding something."

"You're paranoid." Chase headed to the door and opened it, only to find Wilson standing in the door way.

"Oh. Hello, Chase," he said. Chase smiled and pushed past him. House followed Chase and Wilson followed House, all three ended up crowded into the elevator.

"You're not getting away that easy," said House and he pushed the emergency stop button with his cane.

"What do you want?" asked Chase.

"He needs to talk," said Wilson.

"Who asked you?" asked Chase.

"He did."

"I did not!" said House.

"Oh, so you dragged me out of clinic for no reason then?"

"Possibly."

"Well then, start the elevator so I can get off."

"I need moral support."

"My God! What are you? Four? Talk to him for God's sake and let me out of this conversation."

"Fine. What the hell is wrong with you?" asked House, turning his attention back to the Aussie.

"Nothing. I just haven't been feeling well."

"I don't believe that."

"It's true."

"Eventually, you'll have to tell me."

"No, I don't. Now, let me out." Chase reached over and started the elevator again. House hit the stop button again.

"You can't leave yet."

"You can't keep me here, and you definitely can't keep him here."

"As much as that thought amuses me, I can keep both of you here as long as I need to. Now, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Chase shouted and hit the button again, this time moving in front of the control pad to stop House from stopping the elevator again.

"You're not getting away that easily," he said, but the elevator came to a stop at the next floor and Chase walked out, leaving Wilson and House in the elevator.

"That went well," said Wilson.

"Hardly," muttered House pushing his way out of the elevator.

"He will out run you, House!" called Wilson, but House just shook his head and limped off after the other doctor. He found him in NICO, signing in with the head nurse.

"He won't be working here today. I need him," he said using his cane to knock the clipboard out of Chase's hands.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to talk to me!"

"I don't want to talk!"

"You don't get a choice! Now, come!" House actually grabbed Chase's arm and pushed him towards the elevator. He continued to poke Chase in the back with his cane to direct him inside the elevator which took them to House's office. He pushed Chase into the chair across from his desk and took a seat himself. Chase looked away defiantly and only looked back when House dropped his cane on his desk.

"Now, what's wrong?"

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

"My massive intuition, the fact that you've been sick more often in the last three week then the entire time you've worked for me, and that what ever it is, I've probably been there." Chase scoffed.

"Intuition? Experience? You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. I caught you, spill."

"No."

"Yes."

"Not gonna happen." Chase's pager went off; he looked at it and stood to leave.

"Not so fast. What ever it is, it can wait."

"Your patient is dying, that can't wait." And he left the room, jogging down the hallway to the patient's room, leaving House in his office with just as many answers as he'd started with.


	5. two days ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! **

"Alright, tell me where it hurts," he said to a small boy who sprained his wrist. Chase gently ran his fingers across the boy's arm until the boy winced in pain.

"There," he said as Chase's fingers touched his wrist. Chase smiled at the boy's mother.

"He just sprained it, I'll wrap it and it'll be fine in a week or two. Until then he shouldn't play sports and should be extra careful when running." Chase didn't mind the little tasks like caring for broken arms, sprains and stitching and stuff like that. He wrapped the boy's arm in a splint and signed the discharge charts. He headed back to the main desk and crossed out the boy's name on the charts. Ray spotted him and turned to Pratt.

"Kid's on a roll. Six patients in less then an hour."

"And three ER calls all day. He's good," added Pratt. Luca was back from his meeting with Kerry Weaver, who'd stopped by about two hours ago to introduce herself to Chase. Chase had only worked in the ER for one day and he already loved it there. The people were nicer, and he felt at home. Luca reached around him to grab a chart, and Chase grabbed the one underneath it, but Ray snatched it out of his hands.

"I'll take that one, you can take this. Middle aged man, complaining of pain in his legs. Says he needs morphine, but I'd check his history first. I'm not too fond of whiney patients, so you can take it, right?"

"Yeah, sure. That's a six year old that needs stitches." Ray rolled his eyes and headed off to the curtained off area. Before Chase could get to the patient he stopped dead, Sam was already there, arguing with the patient, a voice that Chase recognized all too well.

"Please, sir, the doctor will be with you shortly."

"Just give me morphine and I'll be gone! I don't need a doctor, hell I am a doctor!"

"Sir, just sit tight and-" Chase drew back the curtain.

"It's alright, Sam. I'll take care of it." Sam smiled as she walked past him. On the bed sat none other then Dr. Gregory House. House glared at the younger doctor, holding his bum leg in pain.

"Took you long enough. For that, you can give me a new supply morphine and fill my prescription." House tossed his pill bottle to Chase who caught it mid air.

"I'm sorry, Dr. House, but I can't do that," said Chase, dropping the bottle in a near-by trash can. House looked at him.

"You will do it or-"

"Or what? You'll fire me? I don't work for you anymore."

"But I still have influence on your job. I can talk to your new bosses; tell 'em you quit because I wouldn't sleep with you."

"You're an ass. Here." Chase scribbled out a prescription for vicaden and handed it to him. House looked at it for a second.

"No morphine?"

"No. And this is harassment. Go away." House stood up and limped over to Chase, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady himself.

"I don't want to."

"Too bad! Please, go away and leave me alone!" House gripped Chase's shoulder tighter as the young doctor tried to worm away. House's hand moved from Chase's shoulder to his neck, and pulled him closer. Chase didn't want to know what was happening, as House's lips touched his in a soft kiss. It wasn't what he had expected. Chase two hand pushed House away, making him stumble because of his leg. Chase's own hand was on his mouth, where House had kissed him. He turned and stormed out from behind the curtain, and House limped after him.

"You can't run from your problems, Robert!" he called. Tears threatened to fall from Chase's cerulean blue eyes, and the back of his hand was still pressed to his lips. The other doctors looked at the confrontation before them.

"Fuck you!" he screamed a this former boss. Everyone stopped dead, and Luca appeared from behind a curtain.

"Here that, he's insulting a patient," said House. A tear slid down Chase's pale face as he walked past the main desk and into the back room. House limped out of the ER and through the waiting room, on to the street and out of sight. Luca headed into the back room, to find Chase with his back to the lockers, knees pulled up tight, arms wrapped around his knees and his face hidden by the long blond locks. Small whimpers could be heard, and Luca was pretty sure he was crying.

_Two Days Ago_

"You stupid, lying, son of a bitch! I can't believe you'd betray me like that!" House shouted from the doorway.

"What the hell are you yelling about now?" asked Wilson, looking up from his paper work.

"You knew and you didn't tell me! You knew what was wrong, and you lied to my face!"

"What did I lie about?"

"Chase!"

"Why is it always about Chase nowadays?"

"He's leaving, you've known for a month!"

"How'd you find out?"

"You stole my vicaden, hid it in you desk, his transfer papers were right underneath."

"So you snooped."

"No, I was retrieving what was rightfully mine, see, it has my name on it and everything." House held up the bottle of vicaden that Wilson had in fact stolen about three hours earlier. He had indeed hidden it in his desk, right along with the transfer papers Chase had asked him to sign.

"You were snooping! I can't believe you, I should, but I don't! I told you I'd give them back once you finished in clinic, but no, you have to go get them yourself! And snoop through my paper work to boot!"

"When's he leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

"Were either of you planning on telling me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Tomorrow, when he left. He didn't want you to make his life hell, so he held back. I didn't want you to make his life hell, so I kept his secret."

"Why's he leaving?"

"I don't know. He never told me." House shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair before returning his gaze to Wilson. He watched the oncologist for a second before storming off to find Chase, and tear him a new one. He found Chase sitting with the other ducklings. He limped over and stood behind his youngest doctor and with out attracting the attention of Cameron and Foreman, who were making coffee and reading medical journals respectively, slammed his cane down on the table, making everyone jump. Chase spun in his chair, looking up at his boss. Somehow it struck Chase; House knew that he was leaving.

"What's up?" he asked, his focus unfaltering. If House didn't know, he wasn't going to tell. House glared down at the blond, Cameron and Foreman were watching.

"You know exactly what's up," he said.

"I really don't."

"Yes you do! And I know too, Wilson told me."

"Told you what?"

"Don't play stupid! You're leaving in two days!"

"Where are you going?" asked Cameron, relatively naively.

"When are you coming back?" asked Foreman, equally naively. House rolled his eyes dramatically.

"He's not! He's transferring hospitals. Cameron's jaw dropped and Foreman's eyes got big. Chase didn't flinch, didn't look away, just held House's gaze.

"Yeah, so?" he said calmly.

"So? So, you lied to me! And you got Wilson involved! Thus forth not only betraying my trust, but making Wilson betray his vows of friendship!" Chase scoffed.

"Vows of Friendship? He signed my papers and stuck up for me. He may have betrayed you, but he was a great friend for me."

"Why are you leaving?" asked Cameron, finally finding the words to ask the unasked question. Chase cleared his throat and stood up, so he was eye level with House.

"Because, I need the change. I need the respect and trust that Chicago General can give me. And because I can't deal with what's going on here."

"What's going on here?" asked Foreman. Chase said nothing, but the look he gave House spoke volumes, it just about shouted 'you'.

"This," he said, grabbing Chase's neck and kissing him. Cameron dropped her cup of coffee and it shattered on the floor. Foreman's jaw dropped to the table and Wilson, who had just walked through the doorway, dropped the stack of papers he was holding as his jaw dropped as well. Chase didn't push away, didn't move purely from shock. When House's tongue touched Chase's lips, Chase broke out of the trance and pulled back, staring at the older man before him. His breath was raged and his heart pounded in his chest. House didn't move, he just watched Chase, waiting for someone to break the silence. Chase waited almost a full minute before turning and walking out of the room, pushing past Wilson and leaving the shocked group behind him.


	6. tonight

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! **

Luca looked down at the boy in front of him, Chase may have been thirty, but he looked like child, sitting against his locker and crying. Luca sat down next to him, dark hair falling in his face, and took a deep breath.

"Look, Chase, I've only known you for a day, but I want you to be able to talk to me. What happened back there?" he asked, in his own European accent, one Chase couldn't place.

"It's nothing," Chase lied. He had never been able to talk to people at PPTH, why should here be any different.

"Well, if you want me to believe you're crying for no reason, that' your problem. You swearing at a patient in the middle of a hospital is, unfortunately, my problem."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Nobody wants to talk about it. But I need to know what's going on. Let's start with an easy question. Who was that?" Chase looked up and into Luca's dark eyes. Chase's eyes were red and puffy from crying, his beautiful blond hair was messy and his pale face was flushed as tears made rivers down his face.

"Dr. Gregory House. He used to be my boss."

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean?"

"Were you close?"

"No."

"Then why'd he come all the way to Chicago? Just to talk? Or something more?"

"I don't know! Why would he do that to me? Why does he have to go out of his way to make my life miserable? Why does he have to be so god damn-" Chase stopped himself before he said the word. He didn't know what he was going to say, but it probably wasn't good.

"So he flew out just to make your life miserable?" Luca asked.

"I don't know, it sounds like something he'd do, but I just don't know."

"So, you weren't close, but he flies from Jersey to Chicago to hurt you? Sounds less like hate and more like love."

"No! It was never like that! I'm not like that." He stared down over his knees and at his feet. He was wearing sneakers, a lot like the ones House wore. He never wore sneakers, but he had wanted something more comfortable then his usual shoes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Is this going to be a problem?" asked Luca, switching from caring to business.

"No, Sir. I'll be fine."

"Alright." Luca stood up and walked out. This wasn't how Chase wanted to start his new life, but it was over now. Chase stood up and left the room, he passed the main desk and went to check on his patients. Most were about to be discharged, there was a boy with a broken arm that was leaving, a girl with a bad flu that needed a prescription, a man who'd been shot and was just starting to wake up, and a elderly lady that was recovering from a heart attack. More then enough to keep him busy for the last hour of his day. Ray and Abby watched him tending to patients, but nobody said anything about what had happened.

_That night:_

Chase lay on the floor of his apartment. It was a small place he'd bought with the money from selling his house. He just lay there staring at the ceiling, a million thoughts running through his head. Luca was right to wonder why House had traveled all the way from Jersey to see him. House had always treated Chase the worst of the entire group. Sure, he'd always brought up Foreman's criminal record, and was always teasing Cameron, but he'd been down right cruel to him since day one. Things like ignoring his diagnoses and taking his dad's instead, or prying into his personal life, or trying to get him to talk about his mom. Chase's mistakes had always been thrown in his face, his past dragged up at the most inopportune times, leaving him unable to think about anything. The case with Sister Augustine had been the worst; House had tried to force him into talking about his life in Seminary school and religion. A close second was the time, only weeks before, that his dad had come out. House had dredged up the past, how his dad had left him to take care of his alcoholic mother until she drowned in Gin and Tonics. Chase had his own poison, vodka. After years of watching his mother drink herself to death, he'd sworn he'd never drink, but that hadn't lasted. He took a swig from the bottle, trying to forget, things that should never have happened. He thought about House, the kisses, the dangerous line between love and hate and the pain that came with it all. Only a year after his mom had died, he'd fallen into the same hole she had, but not nearly as bad. Today he was drinking his pain away, so he couldn't think, because he didn't want to think. There was a knock at the door, he turned his head to face it, but didn't want to get up and get it, and the floor was remarkably comfortable. Another knock on the door, more forceful then the first. Chase rolled his eyes and forced himself to sit up and another knock made him stand up. He wobbled a bit, the alcohol going to his head, and stumbled to the door. He didn't have a peep hole, so he just opened the door a crack. He looked through the crack, it was Ray.

"Hey, Chase, can I come in?" he asked, Chase closed his eyes, and nodded.

"Yeah, sure, Ray. Come on in." He opened the door and let the doctor in. Ray's hair was spiked, and he wore a spiked leather band on his wrist. He wore a black shirt and blue jeans; he looked like he had just come form a club. Chase one the other hand was still in his work suit, black slacks and a blue button up shirt. His tie lay forgotten on the floor where he had been lying and the top three buttons of his shirt were undone.

"Man, you're a wreck," stated Ray as he walked in. Chase nodded.

"Yeah, I sure am, but hey, enough about me. What's with the get up?"

"Oh, my band's performing tonight, thought I'd come and invite you, but it looks like you've already taken the bar thing a little far."

"Oh, no…just a little…never mind, let's go." Chase went to grab his jacket, but Ray grabbed his shoulder.

"Somethin' up? You don't look good."

"No, I'm fine."

"Chase. You're not fine, is that…Vodka?" Ray walked farther into the house and grabbed the half empty bottle off the floor.

"Um…yeah?"

"I know it's not really my business, but what's up with you?"

"Nothing, just…it's nothing." Ray shook his head.

"Get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow." Chase shook his head.

"I'll make you a deal, okay, Ray? You drive, I won't drink, well?" Ray smiled and nodded.

"Alright, let's go. But no drinking got it?"

"Yeah, got it." The two men walked out of the house and down to Ray's car. In the car, Ray decided to pry a little more, just learn a little about the new guy.

"Who was that guy today? Old friend of yours?"

"Dr. Greg House, my boss."

"Boss? Whoa, must've been weird, having him come down to see you at work."

"I just wish I knew why he did it."

"Well, wouldn't we all. Hey, we're here. Let's go."


	7. Earlier and Later

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! This idea was sent to me, by Julesfoil ****and I loved the questions so much that I used them…or possible abused them. I'm quite nervous about the idea, so tell me if you like it. The Blind date was never an episode (obviously) and is the product of my own deranged imagination. If you absolutely hate the idea of the blind date, tell me, I'll come up with something else. **

_Earlier, at PPTH_

House sat in his office, debating what he was about to do. The internet confirmation for his flight to Chicago was on his computer. About the only thing he hadn't done was inform the people around him that he was leaving. Cuddy was going to freak, Cameron was going to freak, Foreman was going to freak, Wilson…he wasn't quite sure about Wilson. He looked up when the last walked through the door. Wilson looked down at his friend, and shook his head. He didn't know what it was, but House was up to something.

"We need to talk," said Wilson, House shook his head.

"No we don't."

"Yes, we do. I don't know what's going on with you and Chase, but I do know it goes a lot deeper then he made it seem. What the hell made you think that kissing him in front of everyone was going to solve anything?"

"I don't know. Don't wanna talk about it. I gotta go pack." House pushed himself to his feet, using his cane for balance, and started toward the door, but Wilson blocked his way.

"Pack? For what?" he asked. House gave him that 'duh' look and shook his head.

"I'm going to Chicago."

"What! Why the hell would you fly down to Chicago? To get Chase back? It's not going to happen. If you leave, Cuddy will freak and we will both loose our jobs!" House pushed past him into the hall and started towards the elevator.

"I can at least try," said House as he limped down the hall. Wilson rolled his eyes and turned to follow House.

"No, you can't. He's going to do one of two things, physically hurt you or call the cops. You're stalking him, and I know it's not because you like him, in fact I'm pretty sure you're doing this to make his life miserable. Is it worth it?"

"Let me see. If he comes back to us, then yes. If he stays there, then it's still worth it watch him squirm."

"You're an idiot! If you keep pushing him like this he's going to break! You're just going to end up hurting him, and yourself. Don't do it, House!" But it was too late; House was in the elevator going down. Wilson ran to the stairs, hoping to cut House off in the lobby. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs and pushed the door open he could see House's motorcycle riding out of the parking lot.

"Damn it!" he yelled, attracting more attention then he'd anticipated. He headed up to the elevator to the diagnostics lounge; someone had to tell the team that they're boss was on a frantic search for their intensivist. He was not looking forward to the inevitable conversation with Cuddy when she found out that he'd flown to Chicago on a whim.

House zoomed down the street on his motorcycle, trying to clear his head. Nobody could mess with his head like Chase could. Chase hated him, Chase loved him, Chase hated him so much that he'd packed his things and moved. What was happening to his youngest, but longest, fellow? House thought about the weeks leading up to Chase's move, it didn't look good. They'd fought, a lot. Chase's dad had died, and Chase had learned that House knew but never told him. That wasn't enough though, he'd put Chase through that kind of ridicule before, holding information above his head like that. He thought about the case with Andy, the nine year old cancer patient, whom Chase had kissed. He'd made a big deal out of that, but that was another thing Chase was used to, humiliation made public. He thought about things, thing he knew he shouldn't have done. Like setting Chase and Wilson up on a blind date. That had been amusing, but hadn't turned out as well as planned. He should've know it wouldn't when Wilson threw his little hissy fit in House's office.

_(Flashback)_

"_What were you thinking? I told you NOT to set me up on a blind date!" shouted Wilson._

"_I know, but it'll be fine. Nice kid, you'll have a good time."_

"_No, House. I'm not going, so call and tell her it's off."_

"_But, that won't be any fun! You'll break her little heart!" House made fake puppy dog eyes and pouted. Wilson shook his head._

"_Unbelievable. I'm going through a divorce, and you set me up. I don't want anyone right now, I just need time! I'll find someone when I'm ready! Why can't you understand that?"_

"_Because, Jimmy. I hate to see you sad."_

"_Bullshit."_

"_Just go on one date, it'll be fine."_

_(End)_

Actually, that went surprisingly well compared to how Chase had reacted.

_(Flashback part 2)_

"_You did what?" shouted Chase, his accent even thicker then usual. House had not expected him to have such a reaction._

"_I set you up on a date. Tomorrow night at the Hotel Donavan. It's a nice place, not too expensive,-"_

"_I can't believe you would do that! What in Hell's name you think I even wanted to go on a date? What made _you _think that you knew me well enough to set me up with someone?"_

"_I don't know. It was a spur of the moment thing. Come on, loosen up."_

"_Loosen up? Loosen up? You set me up with someone I've never met before in hopes that I _might _have a good time! I'm not going, so call and cancel for me."_

"_Oh, go on and have a good time. I'll even pay for diner."_

"_You'll pay? That's rich. I really don't believe you. I'm not going."_

"_What's one date? It won't kill you."_

"_There is no way in hell I'm going! End of story!"_

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll send a cab for six."_

"_No! I'm not going!"_

"_Just one date is not going to kill you!"_

_(End_ The plan had worked surprisingly well. They'd met up at the same table under House's reservations, and the look they gave each other when they saw who was there was priceless. House laughed to himself at the memory of Wilson spotting Chase and Chase spotting Wilson, he had pictures at home to use as blackmail, but the memory was just as good. Why had he done it? He didn't know, it was supposed to be a joke. They hadn't found it funny at all, no shit Sherlock, and they'd proceeded to run up a four hundred dollar tab on House's credit card, which he'd leant to Chase as part of the deal. He should've know that it was a bad idea, but Gregory House wasn't known for his good ideas. In the back of his mind he wondered if that night had been the trigger, and if going to Chicago was another one of those bad ideas.

Okay, so Chase may not have been completely good on his promise not to drink. When you're sitting in a bar, it's hard to refuse a pretty girl who buys you a beer. It wasn't as hard to turn down the first round of vodka, a really easy to turn down the gin and tonics. By the time Chase and Ray left, the girls were drinking Tequila and Chase was ready to leave.

"They were cute," stated Ray.

"And seriously drunk," added Chase. The guys laughed; the tension of the night almost forgotten. It would have been over and done with had it not been for the intoxicated figure sitting on his door step when he got home. Chase couldn't believe it, he knew he should've, but he really couldn't. House was actually waiting for him to get home. Chase looked at the figure and then at Ray who was slowly closing the distance between them.

"Shit, stop the car, stop right now," said Chase and Ray hit the breaks, pulling up beside the nearest house.

"What's up?" he asked. Chase pointed at the figure on his door step, cane leaning against the steps and a bottle in one hand. The figure took a swig of the liquid, Chase presumed to be alcohol, and returned to waiting.

"How'd he find you?" asked Ray, Chase shook his head, trying to think straight.

"I don't know. Unless, damn it! The same way he found out I was leaving, he snooped! That son of a-"

"Whoa. Slow down. From the top."

"When House wants to know something, he goes to the source, the paperwork and files. I had to file a change of address so I could get my pay checks from PPTH and my mail from my old place. He must've snooped."

"That's drastic. Anything I should know about?"

"No, I'll be fine. Can you, maybe wait in case I need to get out of here?"

"Yeah, of course. But after what happened at work today, I don't know if I should trust that guy. You're fine, but him?"

"I've dealt with him before, I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive. See ya." Chase climbed out of the car and started walking. House was leaning against the door when Chase walked up the steps.

"Where have you been?" asked House, his words slightly slurred.

"Out," said Chase, stopping on the second step, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his coat.

"Where?"

"Not really any of your business, is it? What are you doing on my steps?"

"Not really any of your business is it?" House's voice was riddled with sarcasm and slurred from the booze.

"This is my house, and you're lying here, drunk, stopping me from getting inside."

"So?"

"So that makes it my business."

"You've got a point, but I don't like points. I'm here to take you back."

"Back where?"

"Where do you think, Stupid? Back to New Jersey, back to Princeton Plainsboro, the hospital and the commotion and hold on." House proceeded to vomit on Chase's steps. Chase rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh before turning around and walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you!" he shouted with out looking back.

"What's wrong with me?" Chase stopped and turned.

"What's wrong with you? You followed me to Chicago so you could 'bring me home' when I have no intention of ever going back. I have a new home, new friends, a new job. I don't want to go anywhere! You stalked me, snooped through personal information so you could find me, and now you're making it bloody impossible to live my own life! To top it all off, you're so fucking drunk you're throwing up on my sidewalk!"

"And that bothers you? I'd think you'd see it as a sign of affection, well accept the vomiting."

"I hate you! I don't want you here, or anywhere near me ever again! You pushed me away, you hurt me too much to just apologize, wouldn't matter you still haven't. I'm staying here, so get out of my life!" He stormed off down the street to where Ray's car was still parked. Ray saw him running back towards his car, he turned on the lights and leaned across the seat opening the passenger's door and letting him in.

"You need a lift?" he asked, Chase climbed in and looked out the window.

"Can I stay at your place?"

"Hey, no problem."


	8. Trying too hard

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: R&R but no flames! This idea was sent to me, can't remember by whom, but I loved the questions so much that I used them…or possible abused them. I came up with a relatively good idea, so tell me if you like it. The Blind date was never an episode (obviously) and is the product of my own deranged imagination. There will be more questions answered in the next chapter. **

_At PPTH, the morning after_

"Where is he?" Lisa Cuddy asked, following Wilson around as he finished his rounds in clinic.

"Chicago," answered Wilson without looking at his boss.

"What?" she yelled back, making everyone stop and look. "Go back to your work," she said, rolling her eyes and lower her voice.

"He flew out to Chicago yesterday," said Wilson.

"I can't believe he'd do that!" she yelled again.

"Lisa, don't yell."

"I'll yell if I want, this is my hospital," she replied, lowering her voice again.

"Honestly, does this surprise you at all?" Wilson signed off a chart and smiled at the nurse before heading off to Oncology.

"What? Yes! Him actually deserting his entire team to track down one duckling?"

"He…"Wilson weighed his words carefully as he leaned against the door of his office. "Cares about Chase." Cuddy scoffed.

"That's not what I heard."

"Yes, he pushed him away, he's done a lot to push him, but it's because…he doesn't want to get hurt."

"Please, House's life is all about getting hurt and pushing people away. He just pushed it to far and Chase left."

"Now he's trying to…fix it."

"H's going to hurt Chase, and he knows that! Why didn't you stop him, or something?"

"I tried! He was dead set on going! He wouldn't listen to a thing I said, that should be enough to show you how important this is to him."

"Have you told Cameron and Foreman?"

"Yes, and I'm pretty sure Chase knows by-" Wilson's pager beeped.

"Is that House?" asked Cuddy.

"Yeah."

"What does he want?"

"I'm not sure, I'll call you later?"

"Yeah." She headed off, but turned as Wilson entered his office. "Tell him to get his ass back here!" Wilson sat at his desk and phoned House's cell. When House answered he did not sound too good.

"Have you been drinking?" asked Wilson.

"Of course not," said House, his voice dripping in sarcasm and laced with the wit of a nasty hangover.

"How'd it go?" asked Wilson.

"It didn't. He pushed me."

"Ah, what did you do?"

"Nothing."

"House, what did you do?"

"I…" he heard house sigh, "I pushed him too far again." Wilson rested his elbows on his desk and rested his head in the palm of his hand.

"I need to know," he started, "why do you keep pushing him?" Do you care about him or are you just trying to hurt him?"

"I…don't know."

"You don't know or you don't want to?"

"I don't know!" House shouted. There was a silence on the line for a few moments, before Wilson spoke again.

"House?"

"I'm here, Wilson."

"Look, I can't help you anymore. You pushed him too far and now you have to figure it out yourself. Where are you?"

"His house."

"And how well did that work?"

"About as well as showing up at the ER did."

"I see. Can I suggest something?"

"Suggest away."

"Try showing up, announced, sober and sincere."

"He won't listen."

"And he was listening to unannounced, drunk and sarcastic?"

"I'm ignoring your accusations."

"Fine, but try it anyways. Call him, sober, and ask him to talk to you. Ask him why, don't yell, and let him talk. Don't be your usual sarcastic, narcissistic, idiotic self. Listen to him and tell him how you feel. I'm going to emphasize this again, listen to him and don't yell."

"I don't know, Wilson, I don't think he'll listen."

"Because every time you see him you end up fighting?"

"Because I threw up on his step."

"House!" Wilson took a deep breath, fighting off the inevitable migraine that was threatening to hit.

"How is…everyone out there?" asked House, changing the subject.

"You don't really care."

"Actually, I do."

"Alright, Cuddy is furious, Cameron is devastated and I think Foreman's in shock. You're giving me a migraine, and the nurses seem genuinely depressed about the loss of Chase."

"Harsh…I've gotta…figure out what to do."

"Alright, hey. Message from Cuddy, 'get your ass back here'. Message from everyone else 'bring Chase with you'. Message from me 'don't kill anyone'. Alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go…think."

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Funny."

"Call me, unless you're in jail; then don't bother."

"Aren't you a lot of help?"

"Good bye, House."

"Bye."

_At County General_

"Hey, Chase, you got a phone call!" shouted frank from the main desk.

"Who is it?" asked Chase, moving in to take the phone.

"Don't know, but make it quick, Pratt needs you in the ER."

"Thanks," he said to Frank, and then to the phone, "Hello?" there was a pause on the other line.

"Chase?" asked House. Chase took a deep breath, ready to hang up, not wanting to talk.

"What?" he snapped, House could sense the hatred and the tension in the young Aussie's voice.

"Please, Chase, don't hang up, just hear me out."

"Make it quick, I'm busy."

"Alright, I need to talk t you, sober and sincere."

"Sincere? You don't do sincere. I'm not sure you do sober too well either."

"I'm going to try. Please, listen to me. When are you off work tonight?"

"Eight."

"Can we…talk?" Chase was taken aback by House's tone; he was actually trying, so Chase took a deep breath.

"Alright. One chance, House. Look, I've got to go. My place; and you have to be sober. If things get bad, you leave or I call the cops."

"Fine." Chase hung up the phone and closed his eyes and counted to ten before heading off to the ER to find Pratt.


	9. Home

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: I got flamed, but I'm going to keep writing anyways. Sorry bout the A/N on the last one…I forgot to change it. So, onwards.**

_Later that day_

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" asked Ray. Chase had filled him in on the situation, and now they were taking lunch on the roof of the hospital, talking about House.

"For the first time, he sounded sincere. He's trying and…I don't know."

"You think he cares?"

"He wouldn't be trying this hard if he didn't. The only times I've seen him like this are on the cases, the rally hard cases. He doesn't try when it comes to people, at least not like this."

"Look, Chase, I don't know this guy, I don't really know you, and I don't claim to be an expert in any sense, but I'm going to tell you this, as a friend; if he's trying to hurt you, you don't need that. You have us now, and we'll take care of you. Abby, Neela, Sam, Luca, everyone. Don't let him push you around. And if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks, Ray. I wouldn't do this if I thought it was wrong. I need to make a call, I'll see you downstairs?"

"Hey, no problem." Ray gave Chase a quick hug and headed off, but stopped in the doorway. "Is anything he says going to make a difference?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to go back just because he apologises, says he cares and it won't happen again?"

"I don't know, Ray. I rather like it here. I'd hate to loose all this."

"And we'd hate to loose you." And ray headed back in. Chase dialled his cell, two rings and a friendly nurse answered.

"Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, how can I direct your call?"

"Oncology Department, Dr. James Wilson please?"

"Absolutely, I'll page him for you if you'll hold a second."

"Thank you." It took a minute and a half for Wilson to pick up the phone in hi office.

"Dr. Wilson here."

"Wilson, its-"

"Chase," said Wilson, recognising his voice instantly, "how are you?"

"Pretty good. Can I ask you a quick question?"

"Sure."

"Is House serious? He called today and before I put myself through the hell that House inflicts, I want to know if it's going to be worth it." Wilson sighed; he was tired of being the mediator.

"Chase, he's confused, he's unsure and he can't deal with that. Hear him out, okay?"

"Alright. Wilson, what should I do?"

"About?"

"He's going to want me to come back, I'm not sure I want to."

"Chase, I know this won't be much help, but do what you think is right, don't let him walk all over you, and don't say good-bye on a sour note."

"Alright…thank you."

"You're welcome." Chase hung up and took a couple deep breaths before he headed back inside. The day was stressful and seemed longer then usual.

When he got home, house was sitting on his step, sober. Houses smiled as Chase walked up the steps.

"Hey," said House, Chase nodded.

"We set the ground rules here," he said.

"Alright, can we avoid you pushing me again?" asked House, popping a vicaden. He regretted the words the second they left his mouth and Chase's look spoke volumes.

"Sorry," said House.

"No contact. Don't touch me, don't even think about it."

"Alright. No-"

"I set the rules. No yelling, no threats and I say when it's over. Alright?"

"Alright." Chase opened the door and let house in. House waited until Chase told him to sit to move from the doorway. Chase dropped his stuff on the counter and put on the coffee.

"Chase?" called House from the living room.

"Did you want a coffee?"

"Um…sure. Can you come here?" Chase came back with a coffee in each hand. He handed one to house and sat across from House.

"What do you want?" Chase asked. House took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts, trying to sort fact from emotion.

"I…I'm sorry. I need to say that first. I care, I do, it's just…" house looked at Chase, who was staring at his coffee. House had the urge to poke him with his cane and tall him to pay attention, but he didn't. "Wilson told me I'm scared, of commitment, of getting hurt, of hurting you." Chase looked up.

"He did?"

"Yeah. And, in a sense, he's right. Look, I'm not good at the whole feelings thing, never have been. What I do know is I was wrong."

"Apologizing and saying you're wrong doesn't change anything. You know that."

"Chase, I'm trying, I really am." House's voice got a little louder, he was getting frustrated.

"You don't even know what you did, do you?" Chase wanted it to end; nothing was going to change so why bother?

"Then tell me!" House broke the rule, he yelled. Chase stood up and house thought it was over. He stared at the floor, resting his forehead on the top of his cane and waiting for the inevitable, but Chase didn't tell him to leave, he just stood there.

"You have everything I ever wanted, and you take it for granted. Family, power, respect, and I don't know, I guess…" House looked up, trying to read the look on Chase's face, but he couldn't.

"You don't know why you left everything behind?"

"You. I left you behind. I can't believe that after everything we've been through I did leave, and after everything you've done, I stayed as long as I did."

"That hurts."

"House, you gave me every reason to love you, and you have me every reason to leave. You gave me the job because me father told you too, you snooped through my past and my personal life. You kept secrets from me and intentionally did whatever you could to hurt me."

"Not intentionally-"

"Yes, you pushed me away and I don't know why, but one day I looked at my life and said, 'he wants me gone'. House, we had something, but that was years ago now. Whatever it was, it's gone now."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is. I guess I figured that you wanted me gone, because you kept pushing me. And now, I don't know what to do." Chase sunk back into his seat, resting his head in his hands.

"How can I-"

"You can't. Please, House, just go," Chase said without looking up.

"I only pushed you because I didn't want to get hurt, I didn't want to hurt you. I…I guess I failed at both. I'm sorry."

"So am I." Chase looked up again, tears filling his eyes.

"Are you coming home?"

"House, this is home."

A/N: Don't Panic! I'm not done yet! More to come.


	10. Moving on

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: Thought I'd try something new, going through Chase's point of view. Oh, and _No Reason_ never happened in this story, so House never got shot. Let's go!**

_Six Months Later; Chase's POV_

It's been six months, six long, wonderful months, since I told House good-bye. He calls me once a week to see if I'm coming back. Every week I tell him no and every week I wonder why he still asks. Tonight everyone in the ER is down at the local bar. We're celebrating, and there's a lot to be happy about. Intern season starts tomorrow in the ER and the new students will take over the ER. Archie has since moved on to 'bigger and better things', Abby and Luca have a baby, a little boy named 'Joe' and Neela's moved up to the OR, but she's here tonight with us.

"You have to help," says Ray. "You worked in a teaching hospital for Christ's sake!"

"I know all the girls will be following you anyways," adds Neela, who never gives up an opportunity to bug me. A good song blasts over the speakers, I'm not sure what it is, but it's got a good beat so I grab Sam's hand.

"Hold that though," I say to Neela, then turning to Sam, "Let's Dance."

"No, I'm fine," she says, pulling her hand out of mine. I smile.

"Come on, I'm to that bad a dancer." I take her hand again and pull her towards the dance floor.

"Go on, Sam, have some fun," says Abby and Sam lets me lead her onto the floor. We dance, a bit of jive and some pretending we know what we're doing. When we slide back to our seats everyone is laughing and I can't help but laugh too.

"You two make a cute couple," says Luca and Sam blushes.

"It's true," agrees Abby. Luca smiles at Sam. I know they had a thing before I came to County, but she broke it off. It doesn't matter to me; I'm not into a relationship right now, especially with House still looming in my mind. Nobody but Ray knows how surreal that was. He understands, and reminds me that he'll always be there if I need him. Some might say I like Ray more then I like Sam, but all I know is that it's great to have friends like them.

"So!" says Kerry, holding up her glass, "here's to old friends, new friends, and life in the ER."

"Cheers!" says Luca, and we all clink our glasses together. I notice Ray watching me as I order up my second drink. Luca and Abby are dancing, Kerry is talking to Pratt and Sam is catching Neela up on the happenings in the ER. Ray walks up to me and looks at the glass.

"You sure that's a good idea?" he asks. Since the first night, he doesn't trust me around alcohol.

"I'm fine," I insist. He doesn't look like he believes me. He knows pretty much every secret in my life, he weaseled most of them out of me in the same way House used to, just by asking questions and letting me rant.

"Last one, I promise." He smiles as Sam walks over and takes my hand, leading me towards the dance floor. The music is slow and we dance, she wraps her arms around my neck loosely, but she doesn't expect anything from me, we're just friends. I put my hands on her hips, holding her close. By the end of the first song my arms are wrapped around her waist and she's resting her head on my shoulder. I kind of hope for another slow song, and I am in luck. We dance for almost an hour, slow songs, fast songs, everything, before she checks her watch.

"Crap, I gotta get home," she says.

"Alright, say 'hi' to Alex for me," I reply, referring to her son who I've met all of twice, but she smiles anyway.

"I will. See you tomorrow. Are you alright to get home?" she asks, knowing that the drink on our table is my third, even though I promised Ray I wouldn't.

"I'll be fine. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, 'Night, Robert."

"'Night, Sam." I watch her leave, saying good bye to everyone as she walks out of the crowded bar. I finish my drink and this time I decide not to order another. The music slows from an upbeat, old rock song, to _The Who, Behind Blue Eyes_. I smile; the song always makes me think of my life, of House and my dad and everything that's happened to me. I get up and try to talk Neela into dancing with me. For some reason I feel like dancing, I feel like celebrating, and I want to share that with everyone. Neela smiles and I lead her onto the floor. Half way through the song I hear a sound that isn't part of the music. Neela hears it too.

"Chase, you're buzzer's going off," she says, and I look down at the cell phone attached to my belt. Sure enough, it is.

"Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'll be right back." I start towards the back exit, picking up my cell as I go. The caller ID reads PPTH. At first I think its House, and I consider not answering it, but he's persistent and calls again. I spot Ray as I reach the exit.

"You're not leaving are you?" he asks. I shake my head.

"No, just gotta take a call. Wait for me?"

"Of course." I get outside and my phone buzzes again. I check the screen, six missed calls? He must be desperate, probably drunk, so I'm about to head back in with out calling, when he calls again. I pick it up.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Chase?" asks a shaky voice on the other line; it's Wilson, he sounds…upset.

"Wilson? What is it?"

"Chase, its House. There-I-Chase?" I don't know what's going on, I've never heard Wilson so frazzled, so at loss for words.

"Wilson. What happened?" I ask.

"House's Motorcycle. It…" he trails off and my heart is racing, I have a bad feeling about this.

"It what, Wilson?"

"He crashed. He's in the hospital right now. They don't know if he'll make it." I swear, for a moment, my heart stops.

* * *

**A/N: Please! Don't panic, I'll be back soon. **


	11. Shock

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: So, we're out of Chase's head and back in reality. Even though in the show Jerry isn't working at County right now, I wanted him to be here, so he is. Oh, and Morris is back because he's the only one that would actually get in a fight with a patient, and he did come back on the show. Enjoy!**

He was in shock. He thought he could function, just wait for the next call from Jersey, but he found it more and more difficult to do his job.

"Chase?" asked Jerry, and Chase looked up at the older man. Jerry ran the main desk, taking new patients and filing discharge papers.

"Yeah?" asked Chase.

"You alright? You've been standing there for five minutes." Chase ran his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, Jerry, I'm fine. Just been a long couple days."

"I heard. Ray was saying something about your old boss being in an accident?"

"He was hit by a car. Honestly, when he wakes up he's going to be more pissed about his bike then himself. Then he's going to up his morphine and double his vicaden intake."

"Sounds like fun."

Chase finished signing the file he'd started working on and handed it to Jerry before whipping his last case off the board and heading off to the curtains, hiding his pain behind a sad smile.

"How's he doing?" asked Luca, knowing Jerry knew almost everything about the happenings in the ER.

"He says he's okay, but I don't think he's all there," said Jerry, watching Chase wander through the ER, checking patients and such.

"Keep an eye on him?" asked Luca.

"Will do. Talk to Ray, they seem to be close."

"Yeah, I will. How are the interns?"

"They're following Pratt around like lost puppies. Though, Pratt and the ex-paramedic, Gates, seem to be at ends all the time. I noticed Jane and Hope keep making eyes at Chase, but he's oblivious."

"I'm worried about him, but-"

"There's not a lot you can do?"

"You're right. Thanks, Jerry." Luca headed back to the attendings office. Through out the day, Jerry watched Chase, noting where he was at all times, but after half way through the day Jerry got caught breaking up a fight between Morris, who'd returned to work that day, and a patient. When the fight was over nobody knew where the Aussie was. Luca didn't usually worry too much about missing doctors, but Chase had been through a lot and Luca didn't want to risk it.

"Ray! Where's Chase?" he said when he spotted Ray. Ray was in and out of the ER all day on call outs, but seemed to always know where Chase was.

"What? I don't…hold on." Ray put the transport beeper down on the desk and bolted off towards the back. Ray followed the stairs up to the roof where he and Chase had talked before. Sure enough, Chase stood close to the edge, looking out over the city, the wind blowing his soft blond hair everywhere.

"Chase!" shouted Ray from the door, but Chase ignored him.

"Come on, Chase, everyone's worried about you. Come on and get out of the cold." Again, Chase didn't move, except to cross his arms over his chest. Ray walked up to his friend and heard the faintest sound of crying. He moved to stand in front of Chase, between the young doctor and the edge of the roof, and saw that those soft blue eyes that had been so happy for so long now glistened with tears that refused to fall. They stood in silence for what seemed like for ever before Chase spoke.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and Ray smiled.

"For what? Crying? That's nothing."

"No, for making everyone worry, it's just…"

"Hey, I understand. You want to talk about it?" Ray sat down on the ledge and Chase sat down beside him.

"Not really. I just…can't stand around waiting anymore."

"What do you want to do?"

"I think…I need to go back."

"Why?"

"Because, I feel like I need to be there for him, for the others. Cameron, and Foreman and Cuddy…and Wilson." Chase ran the back of his hand across his eyes to dry the tears.

The two sat in silence for a while longer before Chase stood up.

"Where are you going?" asked Ray.

Chase stopped half way from the ledge to the door and turned.

"Home?"

"I thought this was home."

"I know, but…" He shook his head and headed inside.

Ray waited a minute, and then dashed across the roof and into the building, following Chase down the stairs to the ER. He found Chase talking to Luca, who nodded slowly. Ray got close enough to catch the end of the conversation.

"Of course," said Luca. "Just know that you'll always have a place here if you need it."

"Thank you, Luca. I'm sorry things didn't work out better."

"Things never work the way we plan. Keep in touch." They shook hands and Chase handed Luca his lab coat and ID before walking out of the ER.

Ray stopped dead; he couldn't just let Chase walk out like that.

"Luca I-"

"Go. Call me when you're coming back."

"How did you-?"

"You two are close, you're worried about him, and I know you well enough to know that you're not going to just let him walk out of our lives. You have a week. Go."

"Thank you, Luca." Ray smiled then dashed off again to catch Chase.

"I don't need you to come with me!" he shouted, throwing his stuff into a suitcase.

"Look, I'm just worried about you. We're friends, that's what friends do!" snapped Ray. It shouldn't be this hard to convince Chase to let him come.

"Ray! I don't need you to baby-sit me!"

"This isn't babysitting! I'm just worried about you."

"Why?"

"Because, Robert! You've been in a complete and total state of shock for the last three weeks! Can you honestly blame me for being worried?"

"YES!"

"What is wrong with you? Has he actually broken you to the point that you can't, or won't, trust me?"

"I'm fine!"

"Then why are we in a shouting match in your living room?"

"Because you insist on treating me like a child!"

"He really has screwed with you head, hasn't he? Convinced you that any show of concern and friendship is demeaning and wrong?"

"You couldn't possibly understand what he did to me!"

"Then why are you going back?"

"I don't know!" A silence settled over the room for a second, and all you could hear was their breath. "I don't know."

"Robert."

"I'm sorry, Ray. I don't know what to do. I just…can't stay here and feel helpless. I need to be there."

"So you can feel helpless there?" Chase looked at Ray, those blue eyes were full of torment and pain, and his face was drawn with confusion and sadness. Ray actually wanted to comfort him, take him in his arms and hold him, protecting him from the world. But Chase was not a child, and Ray didn't reach out to him. Instead he sunk onto the couch, resting his head in his hands. Chase took off his tie and threw it into his suitcase.

"Will you come with me?" he asked. Ray looked up, surprised.

"Serious?"

Chase nodded, closing his suitcase and walking over to Ray, sitting down on the couch beside Ray. Ray watched as Chase buried his head in his hands, trying to dry away the tears without showing weakness. A sob racked his body and this time Ray did reach out to him. Wrapping his arm around Chase's shoulders and pulling him close.

"I don't know why, but I don't want to loose him. God, Ray. I don't want to loose him." He let his tears fall, drenching Ray's shoulder.

"It's alright, Robert. I'm not gonna let you down."


	12. 6 months ago

**Disclaimer: don't own either ER or House, wishful thinking… but whatever.**

**A/N: I reread the last chapter and realized that Ray says he's been out of it for three weeks, I meant to say days…sorry for that. I'll probably go back and re post the last chapter but for now I have this for you. **

_6 months ago_

"You have to hire a new intensivist. Orders of Cuddy," said Wilson. House looked up from his game boy and glared at his friend who was now sitting across the desk playing with the giant tennis ball.

"I don't want to," said House, returning to his game.

"He's not coming back so, suck it up and replace him."

"No. I'm not replacing Chase."

"This isn't like clinic hours and vicaden, or when Cameron left. You can't just make Cuddy's life miserable until she gives up. You need an intensivist." House stood up and limped out of the room and down the hall. When he realized that Wilson wasn't following him he returned.

"Well, come on," he said from the doorway.

"Where are we going?" asked Wilson as he followed House to the elevator.

"ICU, we're going hunting."

"Hunting?"

"Quiet, we're hunting intensivists."

"Wilson?" asked Chase, moving slowly towards the oncologist.

"You came…" said Wilson, standing.

"Yeah. How is he?" Worry, an emotion too strong for the young man.

"He's…not well." Wilson sunk back into the chair outside the ICU.

"No."

"Please?"

"No!" Her sharp English accent had no affect on him. House gave a sad puppy dog face, trying for cute, and asked again.

"Please?"

"House, I'm not giving you another intensivist, especially not after what happened to Chase," said Dr. Ann Fairheart, head of the ICU.

"Nothing happened to Chase."

"Still, you can hire your own intensivist. Good-bye, Dr. House." She walked off, but House wasn't done, this was a game now and he was determined to win.

"Wilson, go get me my intensivist. In fact, get me that one." House pointed out a young blond girl who very literally could've been a female version of Chase.

"What? No! I'm not helping you exploit another doctor."

"I'm not exploiting anyone. Go, I think she likes you."

"Who? Dr. Fairheart? Or your potential intensivist?"

"Fairheart."

"You spend too much time with the nurses."

"Go get me my doctor." Wilson shook his head and walked over to Dr. Fairheart. It took almost tem minutes before the older doctor gave in. She rummaged through her personal files and handed one over to Wilson who in turn passed it to House.

"She'll come in Monday."

"What sexual favours did you have to promise Fairheart?"

"None." Wilson walked off towards his office, leaving House in the ICU. House walked over to the girl, Dr. Kiera Dawson.

"Dr. Dawson, I look forward to seeing you in diagnostics on Monday."

"Pardon?"

"I'll let Dr. Fairheart explain, but you've been officially transferred to Diagnostics. Welcome to the team." As House walked off, Kiera looked genuinely terrified, probably because everyone in the ICU knew about what happened to Chase.

"I should've been here."

"It wouldn't've mattered."

"I just…feel so helpless."

"I know."

"Where are Cameron and Foreman?"

"LA and New York respectively."

"What?"

"Cameron left about two months ago and Foreman went to a medical conference."

"Oh." A tap on his shoulder reminded him he wasn't alone. Ray had followed him to Jersey.

"You alright?" asked Ray. Wilson raised a suspicious eyebrow. His mind making all sorts of dirty connections between the new doctor and Chase. God how House had corrupted him.

"Yeah, Ray, I'm fine. Oh, Ray, this is Dr. James Wilson, Wilson, this is Dr. Ray Barnett."

"Nice to meet you," said Ray, extending a hand, Wilson smiled a soft half smile and took Ray's hand in a brief shake.

"Ray works with me at County," said Chase. Wilson just nodded. Dr. Fairheart walked out of the room and Wilson stood again. At her heals was Kiera Dawson, who was more confident then she'd been six months ago.

"How is he?" asked Wilson. Fairheart gave a grim smile.

"Stable. You can see him now, then go home, James, you've been camped out here for three days and you're starting to scare the residents." Wilson smiled before heading in.

"Good to see you, Robert," she said, watching as Chase held back.

"You too, Ann," he returned.

"Who's your friend?"

"Hmm? Oh, this is Ray Barnett from Country General. We work in the ER together."

"I see. ER's not really the place for an intensivist is it?"

"Neither is diagnostics, but I like it."

"You would. Oh, meet Dr. Kiera Dawson. She took your spot on House's team."

"Lucky you." Kiera smiled a little.

"Would you like to see him?" she asked. Chase gave a puzzled look.

"She means Dr. House," said Fairheart.

"Of course. Thank you." Chase walked into the room. Wilson was sitting on the foot of the bed.

"He's lucky to have you," said Chase. Wilson didn't look up.

"Not really."

"Wilson…"

"I've got to call, Allison and tell her what's going on."

"You think she'll come back?"

"No. She's worried, but she won't come back."

"What about Foreman?"

"He'll be back tomorrow." Wilson never looked at Chase and his tone was cold and distant.

"Why do you hate me?" asked Chase, realizing that Wilson blamed him. No matter how Wilson acted around Ray or Fairheart or Kiera, he blamed Chase for House's accident.

"I…" Wilson looked over his shoulder at Chase. "I don't hate you. But everything changed when you left and I guess…"

"You need someone to blame." Wilson looked away.

"I'm sorry, Chase."

**A/N: I have inadvertently written myself into something I did not intend. I have been asked if I'm planning on making Chase and Ray a couple and my friend Jiia-chan asked if I would please put House and Wilson together…tell me what you think. **


	13. 5 months ago

_Five Months Ago_

"Come on people! He's been sick for three days, if we don't come up with something soon, he's going to die!" shouted House.

"You shouting at us isn't helping anything," said Foreman. House rolled his eyes and pointed his cane at Kiera.

"You," he said. "What do you think?"

"I…um…" she started, but Cameron interrupted.

"Lupus."

"Wasn't talking to you," said House.

"It's Lupus," said Kiera.

"Are you just saying that because Cameron suggested it?"

"No, I think its Lupus."

"Good, when the patient dies I can blame you instead of Cameron."

"What?"

"Lupus is a bad diagnosis, but go, treat what's-his-name and talk to me when it doesn't work." The three ducklings headed off, and House went to stand on the balcony between his office and Wilson's.

"I know that look," said Wilson from his side of the balcony. "It's a look of confusion and frustration."

"Shut up."

"You don't know what to do, can't find a diagnosis, you're still upset over Chase's refusal to return and now the ducklings aren't listening to you because they know you don't know what you're talking about."

"That's not shutting up."

"And I'm not going to because I know you won't do anything about it."

"So this is the part where you give me advice?"

"And you pretend like you're going to listen to it?"

"Then go ahead."

"Alright. Chase isn't coming back, end of story there. Get over him and go treat your patient." House looked over across the city and nodded.

"Fine. I'll go stop Dawson from killing the patient, but I won't just 'get over' Chase."

"Will you at least stop yelling at them? We can hear you in oncology."

"Yeah, yeah." House headed back inside.

"He hates me, not that I blame him, but still…" Chase was pacing around the hotel room that he and Ray were sharing. He was venting and ranting, but the only thing he'd achieved was making Ray dizzy.

"Chase, will you please sit down?" said Ray and Chase collapsed on the other bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"He has every reason to hate me though. It's my fault that his best friend almost died."

"It's not your fault, he just needs someone to blame."

"I know, but still, I can't help but feel responsible."

"Come on, let's get something to eat. That'll make you feel better." Chase nodded and followed Ray out of the room to the hotel restaurant.

"It's not lupus, what else could it be?"

"It could be anything," said Cameron. "It could be an infection, cancer, bacterial or neurological."

"It could be MS or Hepatitis or TB or-" started Foreman.

"Then why are we still here?" interrupted House. "Go and run the tests."

"We have run the tests," said Dawson, earning her a glare from House.

"Then re-run the tests, CT, LP, MRI and call Wilson." Dawson and Foreman headed off, but Cameron stayed behind.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" He didn't look at her, but continued to stare at the white board.

"You've been really distant and distracted lately, and-"

"You're just pissed because I'm obviously not interested in you since I kissed Chase. Look, go do your job and stay out of my personal life."

"I'm just worried about you."

"No, you're worried I'll do something stupid, there's a difference."

"House-"

"I'm fine! Go do your job or you'll be looking for a new one." Cameron nodded and headed off to find Foreman and Dawson. House sunk into the nearest chair and pulled out his cell phone, dialling Chase's number and listening to the ring.

"You've reached Robert Chase, I'm at work but leave a message and I'll call you back."

"Robert, It's House, give me a call." He hung up. It was his ritual, he'd call once a week to try and talk Chase into coming home, but he knew it wasn't going to work. To him it was just the idea of not giving up. He tossed his cell across the table and buried his head in his hands.

"I just wish there was something I could do," said Chase as they walked down the hall.

"I know," said Ray, putting his arm around Chase's shoulders, and pulling him close.


	14. 4 months ago

**Disclaimer: um...not mine?**

**A/N I know it's been SO long since I last updated, but I had real world issues and real life problems and interent failures and the likes. So, I'm sorry this is so short, but I will (I promise) have a new chapter up by the end of the week. And I've also made my shipping decissions. Please don't yell at me, all will be explained! So, onwards!**

_4 months ago_

House was lying on the floor, staring pointlessly up at the ceiling, listening to The Who, throwing that giant tennis ball up and catching it when it fell back to him. He found it very irritating when it didn't fall back to him and his music suddenly stopped. He sighed loudly when he realized that the shoes standing next to his head belonged to Wilson and not to anyone with gorgeous blond hair or with a skirt short enough to look up.

"Give that back," he demanded of the oncologist, but Wilson put it on the desk and sat down in House's chair.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing," snapped House.

"Something is obviously going on in that head of yours, or you wouldn't be on the floor listening to old British Rock music."

"Go away."

"No. You're being miserable, more so than usual, and I want to know what's going on. I'm your friend, you can actually talk to me, and I can actually help you get through this. Now, what's going on?" House sighed again and sat up. He stared at Wilson for a long moment.

"Do you know what today is?"

* * *

_present_

A strange sound woke Ray from his sleep. It was a sound not uncommon in the ER, or hospitals in general, but it seemed out of place in the small hotel room that he and Chase were sharing. It was the sound of someone crying. He crawled out of bed and sat down beside Chase.

"Hey, Robert, are you okay?" he asked. Chase responded by drawing in a long shaky breath and nodding.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"You don't sound okay." Chase sat up and leaned against the headboard. Ray sat slid up to sit beside him and wrapped his arm around Chase's shoulder. They had become very close in the last few months, more so in the last few days.

"I didn't think I'd miss him this much. I didn't think it would hurt so much to loose him."

"He's not lost yet, and it sounds like he'll pull through."

"I know. I'm just finally letting out all the emotions that have been bottled up inside for so long. Sometimes I hate him so much, but I don't know what I'd do if he were actually gone." A sharp pain shot through Ray's body as he came to a sudden realization. No matter how much Chase denied it, he loved Greg House.

* * *

"I haven't the foggiest. Unless you're asking for the actual day, in which case it's Friday," said Wilson. House rolled his eyes.

"It's stupid really, but it was four years ago today that I hired Chase."

"You remember the exact day you hired him?"

"I remember a lot of things. The first time Cameron made a pass at me, the first time you made a pass at me, the first time I made a pass at Cuddy, the day I hired each of the ducklings and other pointless dates and trivia."

"Impressive."

"We used to have something, him and I. I don't know what it was, but there was something." Wilson nodded, something about hearing House talk so much about the young fellow made his heart hurt. House truly did love Chase, and Chase didn't give a damn.

* * *

_present_

Chase fell asleep in Ray's arms, and before he returned to his own bed, Ray silently kissed the feather soft blond hair. Oh how he hated to admit that he'd fallen for the boy, but he kind of grew on you. He tried to move his arm, but it had fallen asleep and moving it caused pins and needles to dance painfully over his flesh, so he decided not to move. He pulled the blankets up around them, shuffling so that he was more comfortable. He knew that when Chase woke up there would be a lot of explaining to do, but he'd worry about that when the time came.

* * *

**A/N I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! There will be more by the end of the week, I'm just running a few things past a friend, who happens to sort of be my BETA. R&R!**


	15. 3 months ago

**_A/N: by now you know that I am horrible at keeping my word on updates. sigh here is a chapter full of shipper love. So a bit of this chapter is dedicated to _**zamber, **_who requested a little bit of Foreman/Kiera love, and since I always feel that Foreman is the forgotten foil, I shall incorperate. anyone wishing to know the direction of the polls need only look through my reviews. _**

_3 Months Ago_

"Do you think he'd put up this much fuss if I left?" asked Cameron. She was sulking in the diagnosis lounge with Foreman and Dawson.

"Probably not," said Foreman, not looking up from his news paper. Dawson looked up from her logic puzzle book.

"He'd miss you though," she offered. Both the older fellows looked at her, Foreman with a bemused smile, Cameron with a death glare from over her glasses. Dawson returned silently to her book. House had yet to show up that day.

"You know what, screw it. I'm going home," said Cameron. She grabbed her bag, threw it over one shoulder, took one last look around the room as if daring anyone to object to her exit, then turned and walked away.

"What's with her?" asked Dawson.

"She had the biggest crush on House for a long time. She's still pissed that the little Aussie stole her lover than disappeared with his heart. Now House won't look at her, and we suffer because of Chase."

"You don't seem to mind."

"I've grown accustomed to House's bitterness. That and I never had a crush on him."

"Ah, the trials of a broken heart, shattered by the pure fact of a love long lost to the clutches of another. Be this a fatal diagnosis? Or the simple angst of young doctor in love with her boss? Oh! The sorrows!" exclaimed Dawson dramatically, and Foreman laughed.

"That was really good," he admitted. She tilted her head slightly to the side and smiled.

"You think so?"

"You could write a play on just those words," he said solemnly.

"And sell it to be a millionaire. Retire young and beautiful on some beach with a cabana boy named Juan."

"Keep dreaming, Shakespeare. House won't let you off the leash that easy."

"Ah, but a girl can dream, right?"

"Dreams are what keep the poor and angsty soul alive."

"A poet you are not."

"I'll leave that to you." They laughed again.

"Do you think he's ever going to show up?" she asked.

"House? If he isn't here in five, I say we follow Cameron's lead and take a day off."

"I agree."

"Kiera?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you, um, wanna go out to dinner with me later? I mean, if there is a later when we could have dinner, if House hasn't killed us, or if we're not working, or…would that be alright?"

"Like, a date?" She did that slight head tilt again, so her blond hair fell across her shoulders.

"Yeah, like a date. That is, if you want it to be." He smiled nervously.

"I would love to go out with you, Eric Foreman. Should we go, now, or later?"

"Now's good. Just let me grab my-"

"Hello, my lovely dedicated little ducklings. Today we have a case of- where's Cameron?" House glided into the room with relative ease for someone on a cane. His almost cheery attitude caught them off guard.

"She left, got tired of waiting. Why are you so happy?" asked Foreman.

"I'm not cheery; I'm just a little-"

"High," said Dawson.

"No way, man. I don't do drugs, at least not that kind, Dope is for dopes remember?"

"You're on something," she returned.

"Nope, just-"

"Valium," said Wilson, entering behind him. "He got his hands on a prescription this morning."

"You're on anti-depressants?" asked Foreman.

"I'm always on anti-depressants."

"No, he's only on them for today, because he sneaked through the cracks at pharmacy. He'll be his usual miserable self tomorrow, if not worse because the little 'up' he's on right now will wear off in about twelve hours," said Wilson.

"What do we do until then?" asked Dawson. Wilson shook his head.

"Your jobs, to the best of your ability. And make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

* * *

_Present_

When Chase woke up the next day, he was strangely comforted by the warm body next to him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd woken up feeling safe in the arms of someone he cared about. He didn't panic; he simply adjusted his position to get a better look at his bed mate. Ray always looked like he'd just gotten up, but sleeping he was pretty much the most beautiful sight Chase had ever seen.

"Ray, what are you doing here?" he asked casually as he shook his friend awake. Ray yawned and stretched before he answered.

"You fell asleep on my shoulder last night, I couldn't move so I stayed put," he said. Chase turned pink at the thought of crying on Ray's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be. That's what friends are for, Robert. We're there when you need us and don't mind being pinned to the bed for a while." Chase laughed as Ray realized what he'd said and flushed red.

"I didn't mean it like that," he said quickly.

"Of course you didn't," replied Chase. Ray smirked.

"Maybe I did. What would you say then?" There was a mischievous glint in Ray's eyes and Chase paused. What did he think of that? Of him and Ray instead of him and House? It was something he'd never really thought about, with his feelings for House, with the confusion of life, everything that had happened to him, he'd never put much thought into love.

"I don't know," he said. Confusion was not an early morning emotion, it was a late in the day 'I want to go home, sleep on it and wake up refreshed' emotion. Chase pushed himself out of bed, but Ray grabbed his wrist.

"Robert?"

"I'm sorry, Ray, but…I don't know." Ray gently pulled Chase back onto the bed.

"Do you trust me?"

"More than anything."

"Do you care about me?"

"Of course!"

"Do you think that I love you?"

"I don't-"

Without notice or hesitation, Ray leaned in and kissed him.

* * *

_3 months ago_

"Well, dinner was lovely, thank you for inviting me," said Dawson as Foreman walked her to the front door of her apartment.

"Thank you for accepting and not making me look like a fool," he returned. She smiled brightly.

"What an interesting day."

"And to think, three months ago you were scared of us."

"What makes you think I'm not scared anymore?"

"Very funny."

"I try. I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll see you then." Foreman was about to turn and walk away when he felt her hand on his arm. He looked into those amber brown eyes and a second later her lips were on his. When she broke the kiss, she smiled.

"Good-night, Eric."

"'Night, Kiera." He walked to his car with a spring in his step.

* * *

_A/N: Hope you liked! R&R and I'll Try to have another chap up by monday. TRY!_


	16. 2 months ago

* * *

"I'm not going to kiss you and put up a big fuss, you know that right?" said House, scanning the paper that Allison Cameron had just handed him. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a bun and she was wearing her glasses.

"I know. I just, I can't work here anymore, so I'm going to finish my fellowship elsewhere."

"I seem to be loosing far too many ducklings. Why?"

"Because I question your judgement, I feel that the patients and myself are suffering for your loss. You're irresponsible and you don't care. You're taking drugs that have not been prescribed to you and you generally don't give a crap about us anymore. I can't work like that. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? For having enough spine to stand up to me? Or because you're deserting me too and in your heart you know it's not because you feel I'm not doing my job, its because you feel that you can't work with me knowing where my feelings are."

"I'm not you. Just sign the paper and let me go."

"As a fellow, you're required to give a month's notice, which means that you're still mine for four more weeks."

"I can handle that."

"But can you?"

"House, just sign the paper."

"Where are you going?"

"Los Angeles." House looked at her for a long moment, then signed the paper and handed it back to her.

"Don't you have a job to do?" She walked slowly away, disappointed by the fact that he could let go of her so easily now. Once upon a time he'd fought tooth and nail to get her back, now he was going to let her move to the other side of the country.

* * *

Present

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just…I'm sorry." Ray let go of Chase, stood up and walked the length of the small hotel room. Chase sat in stunned silence for a moment. It wasn't that he was angry, it's that he wasn't. He expected that he'd be angry, after all it was exactly what House had done to him before, but instead all he felt was strange warmth and it felt surprisingly good. Ray was pacing, waiting for Chase to yell, cry, something. Chase stood, very slowly, and walked towards Ray, as if in a daze.

Ray stopped pacing and looked at the blond. Chase stood right in front of him for a second. Ray was about to babble off another apology when Chase put his hands on Ray's face, pulled him close and kissed him.

* * *

Two months ago 

"If you two don't quite throwing those 'wanna meet me in the back room' looks over Cameron's head and focus on the dying patient, you're all gonna be looking for new jobs. Well, except Cameron, she already has one."

"What?" asked Foreman.

"Yeah, Cameron's leaving, I'll let her explain, but the point is I don't want to replace my entire team."

"We're not sleeping together," said Dawson.

"Of course you aren't, yet. Foreman's still fairly religious. Now, can I have focus, please?"

"I think I liked you better on drugs," said Foreman.

"You would. Now... ideas? And the first person to say Lupus is fired. And before you even think of it, it's not TB either. What else?"

* * *

I reiterate, please don't kill me! updates soon, I promise! 


	17. last month

**Disclaimer: If you think I own them….you're wrong.**

**A/N: This chapter actually scares me. I don't know why I wrote this. It's not that it's a bad chapter, but I wrote it for a few people who said 'gimme Chase/Ray'. There is sex, it is slash, it is not graphic (not really). You have been warned!

* * *

**

_Last month_

"Alright, I give up, where is she?" asked Wilson, having not heard of the most resent departure form the team.

"Los Angeles," returned House, walking quickly down the hall, his friend at his side.

"What?" Wilson stopped and paused for a second to digest the information before realizing that House was still walking, and rather quickly at that.

"We are talking about the same 'she' right? Allison Cameron, the immunologist that you pretty much gave up your good leg to convince to stay on your team after the whole mess with Vogler? That 'she'?" asked Wilson, jogging to catch up with his friend. House never slowed down, and didn't seem to notice that his friend had fallen behind.

"Yeah, same one."

"And you just let her leave?" Wilson turned to face House, walking backwards and trying to read the look of indifference as something other that lack of interest.

"Well, I wasn't going to stand in her way. Remember how far that got me last time?"

"Well, she's different then Chase. You stopped her once before, why didn't you do it again?"

"I didn't want to."

"That is the most ridiculous reason I've ever heard, even from you."

"She's a strong, independent woman, who thinks with her own mind, and walks to her own drum. She can make a half decent diagnosis, and stand up to the worst in the business and she still empathises with people. I've done all I can with her, it was time to let her go."

"But those rules don't apply to Chase?"

"I like Chase; I don't want him to leave."

"You're such a child."

"I am aware of that, thank you very much." House stopped, but Wilson, who was still walking backwards, collided with the door behind him. He let out an 'oaf' on impact and then turned to figure out what he'd walked into.

"Why didn't you tell me there was a door there, and why are we back at my office and not say, yours?" asked Wilson realizing that they'd done a complete circle of the hospital and ended up exactly where they started; at his office.

"It's not my fault you were walking backwards, and somehow we always end up here."

"Is your leg bothering you again?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Well, when your leg's bothering you, you tend to try and walk it off, so why else would we do a lap of the hospital and end up back here?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but no, my leg is not bothering me, I just needed to walk. I don't want to go back and deal with the other ducklings, who are probably making out in my office, and I want to deal with patients even less, so your office it is. Is that a problem?"

"No, I guess…wait a minute! You mean Foreman and Kiera? They're a couple? Since when?"

"About a month. It's not official, but it's so on. Go pass it on to the nurses, make sure there's a seriously twisted version of this story around the hospital by lunch, if not sooner. Preferable one where Foreman gets tied up in the staff room and Kiera has a -"

"Stop, please, I don't want to hear it. The first part provided an interesting enough mental picture that I could've done without, I don't need to hear what else your twisted mind has created." Wilson let them into his office and as House dropped into one of the rather large chairs. Wilson closed the door and leaned against his desk.

"Wilson, about the drugs…" started House slowly. He had no intention of apologising, but felt the sudden need to explain. Wilson sighed.

"You know, I don't really care."

_

* * *

Present_

Somehow it felt right. Even if it wasn't it still felt right. To have Ray hold him, fingers gently pulling at his hair, guiding him towards the bed, kissing him. The kiss was deep, passionate and like nothing Chase had ever experienced. Lips pressed together with nearly bruising pressure, tongues dancing against each other as they tasted and explored each other's mouth.

He'd been scared at first, of letting Ray get so close, of giving up everything he'd believed, and of letting the barriers that surrounded him fall to the ground. His thoughts kept jumping back to House and what had happened to him, the pain that he'd been through in the last six months and everything he'd sworn that he was and wasn't. He'd almost resisted but as his body reacted, those thoughts were pushed aside to make room for only one.

"Let this happen." His mind screamed the thought at him, making it so that nothing else even mattered anymore. Chase collapsed across the bed with Ray on top of him, kissing his neck softly. Chase had no experience in this, but Ray seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and exactly where to touch and kiss to set Chase's body on fire. It was like his first time all over again; the soft passion of friendship becoming something more and the heat formed by their bodies combining.

Chase's breath caught as Ray bit down hard on the smooth flesh of his neck, just above his collar bone where neck met shoulder. Ray pushed himself up, making it easier to pull of Chase's thin white t-shirt. Once the shirt hit the floor, Ray returned to his kisses, lips pressed firmly against Chase's, exploring with his tongue, mapping out every inch of his new lover.

Chase felt the delicate but calloused hands of the doctor and guitarist that traced the lines of his bare chest and began to slowly inch under the elastic of his boxers. His own hands felt along Ray's strong bare back, and he wrapped his arms around his lover. He was pinned between Ray's weight and the soft mattress, half naked and confused. Something inside him told him to stop, but something else, something more dominant in his mind, told him to keep going, to just let it happen. And he did.

* * *

"It doesn't matter if you care or not, that's not what this is about. I simply want to explain, you deserve that at least," said House.

"I don't care, House. I understand you to a point, and any more than that will cause my head to explode," said Wilson, dropping into the chair behind his desk.

"What about your whole relaxed state of mind thing? Did you tell me you could put yourself in a place where I didn't make your head hurt?"

"That only works to a point."

"Well, I need to explain myself to you, after all you've done for me, after everything we've been through together."

"Then explain away."

"I just needed someone. I am human after all."

"Wow, he admits his own mortality! Stop the press, call the president, sound the alarm, Gregory House has admitted that he is 'only human'!" Sarcasm laced every word as he threw his hands up dramatically and stepped away from his desk, walking around to the other side and dropping into his chair.

"Can you act a little bit seriously?"

"Sorry, I've just never heard you say something like that. I'm listening, please continue. Please, child, tell me your sins." Wilson rested his elbows on the desk and tented his fingers together in that 'parish priest meets evil genius way' and looked at House carefully.

He didn't really want to hear what House had to say; didn't want to understand what went on in his friend's head. So he was hiding, putting up walls and barriers to forestall the inevitable, and finally return all the bitterness that he'd experienced at House's hands.

"Stop that," snapped House. For once, he was trying to be serious and sincere, but Wilson was making it incredibly difficult.

"Sorry."

"Alright, here we go. They say that everyone needs someone, and I thought that maybe my 'someone' was Chase. Apparently I was mistaken. I refused to give up on him, and it's killing me inside.

"I drink, Wilson, a lot more than I usually do, in a sad and stupid way to numb the pain. I'm used to physical pain, I live with it continuously, but I've tried so hard to keep away from emotional pain, to stay distant from anything that can hurt me like that."

"And you push people away so that they don't get close enough to hurt you. Only the strong get in and stay it. Isn't that what you told me?"

"Something to that affect."

"And then you make sure to inflict as much emotional pain on the people around you, as a sort of experiment to see how different people react to it. Everyone is like a piece of your big social game. We're all a part of your experiment; your life's work."

"And the conclusions are in." Wilson looked at him with and almost stunned look.

"You're sure? You seriously think you know everything about human nature?" he asked in disbelief.

"All except for one thing."

* * *

They were lying across the bed, just staring at the ceiling, Ray's arm around Chase's shoulders, and Chase's head rested on Ray's bare chest, staring absently at the ceiling. Chase's body was sore, but at the same time, it didn't hurt. He felt like he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt sure and loved.

"Do you regret it?" asked Ray, knowing that the guilty religious in Chase still held a fair amount over power of the supposedly lapsed Catholic.

"No, I don't think so," said the younger doctor, snuggling closer so he could hear Ray's heart beating. For once, there was not guilt there; just a sense of strange understanding.

Ray felt guilty though. He'd taken advantage of his friend in his time of need. He'd betrayed him by moving in when he was so vulnerable, so desperate and still just learning to accept who he was. He regretted it, completely and totally, he regretted it. But he didn't tell Chase that. He simply kissed the silky blond hair and let Chase lie there in his arms. It was so easy to just let it happen, to not fight it, and to let Chase realize what was happening, who he was becoming.

"Ray?" asked the soft Aussie accent.

"Yeah?" replied Ray without looking at the boy in his arms.

"Do you regret it?" Ray took a deep breath, held it, and lied through his teeth.

"No, I don't." He untangled himself from Chase's arms and started picking his underwear up off the floor where Chase had thrown them.

"What are you doing?" asked Chase, pulling himself up so he was half sitting, half lying across the bed.

"Um…getting dressed? Aren't we going to the hospital today?" Ray pulled some jeans and a black t-shirt out of one of the dresser drawers and threw them at Chase.

"Of course, but…you're right. We should go."

"But what?" asked Ray, slipping on his own jeans and rummaging through the dresser for a shirt.

"I don't know…this is all pretty strange to me," said Chase as he got dressed.

"I know…it takes some getting used to, but you'll be okay."

"Thank you. I think…I think I finally figured it out." Chase began searching for his shoes, smiling to himself, but Ray stopped and looked at him with a confused expression.

"Figured what out?" Chase walked over to him and put on hand lightly on his face.

"I think…I think I know what I want…and who I love."

"And who's that?" asked Ray, his heart sinking as he anticipated the answer; something in Chase's voice said that it wasn't him. He was not surprised when Chase answered.

"I think…that despite everything he put me through and every reason I have to hate him…House."

"Why?"

"Because, I've seen something in him that makes me understand everything. I never hated him in the first place. I simply didn't want to admit who I was, and how I felt. Everything I admired about him before; his intellect, his passion and drive, his dedication and intensity, they were the things that I loved about him but was afraid to admit."

Ray's heart dropped in his chest. He had known this would happen, but hearing Chase say it hurt more than he could ever imagine. Despite the mind numbing pain in his heart, he bit his tongue and nodded.

"I understand."

* * *

House stood up and walked slowly around the desk so he was standing right in front of Wilson, intentionally invading the oncologist's personal bubble, and positioned himself in such a way that he was toe to toe with his friend, and he leaned his cane against the desk. He put his hands on the arm rests of the chair, pinning Wilson's hands in a vice like grip and leaning in so his face was close enough to smell the bitter scent of coffee and mints on Wilson's breath.

"If I did to you what I did to him, if I pushed you away and hurt you like I hurt him, would you care then?" he asked. Wilson swallowed hard and nodded.

"Yes."

"Then how can you say you don't care about the drugs, about everything and anything else?" Wilson stared into those ice blue eyes and something inside him broke, letting loose a tidal wave of emotions and bottled up anger. House had to know, he had to know everything.

"Because, I've learned to live with you, in all your sanity and lack there of." Wilson pushed his rolling chair back a ways with his feet so he could stand up to continue his rant. House stumbled a bit and grabbed onto the desk for support.

"I've learned to care without caring and be concerned without being involved. I've learned to be your conscience without expecting you to listen, I've learned to feel your guilt and share your pain and pretend like neither one exist. I've learned everything about you in the how ever many years, and through all that I know one thing. You only push the ones you love. It is only the ones close enough to love you-to hurt you-that get hurt in return. Everyone is a casualty of your natural cruelty, but the ones you care about the most are the ones that are destined to be hurt, tested, pushed away, pulled in and in the end, destroyed by your own selfish narcissism.

"Gregory House, I have learned that no matter what I tell myself or anyone else, that you are the only person in the world that I can love unconditionally, without needing to know the reason behind your actions, or that you love me back."

"Love?" House took a single step back, pulling away from the emotional man in front of him, but still gripping the desk.

"Yes, House, love." Those chocolate brown eyes were close to crying, but they held back. "I will deny ever saying this, but I do love you. More than anything in the world, and I don't know why."

House was shocked, so he lashed out, snapped back and hit with as much verbal force as he could muster, using the sharpest words at his disposal in hopes of pushing his friend away. Why? Because he didn't want to know if he loved Wilson; that wasn't part of the plan, it wasn't part of the game.

"Because you're crazy, and drawn to people in pain, you're an emotional vampire, and a-" Wilson stepped forward quickly and kissed him.

* * *

They drove in silence to the hospital, unable to think of a single thing worth talking about after that morning's revelations and happenings.

"Now what?" asked Chase quietly, staring out the window, taking in the familiar scenery and the passing cars; never looking at Ray, who was driving their little rented car.

"What do you mean?" asked Ray, also never taking his eyes off the road.

"After what we did and what I said…does that change everything? Are you going to walk out of my life because we screwed but I love someone else? What happens to us and our friendship and everything we've been through?"

"I don't know. I guess, we take it one day at a time and hope for the best."

"I guess."

"I know one thing for sure though. I won't abandon you, and I won't walk out of your life over something so stupid. You think this is the first time someone I loved has fallen for someone else? I'm gay, Chase, I've been down this road before. I don't know what will happen to us, but I'm not going to disappear in a puff of smoke just because there's something between us. I meant what I said, I don't regret it. And I don't care that you love House." The amount of times he found himself lying to Chase about his regret over their sexual encounter and what had been said startled him and made him feel even guiltier than before.

"But you do regret it, and you do care," stated Chase, finally turning to watch Ray's reaction to his blunt words.

"What makes you say that?" he asked without taking his eyes off the road.

"Something I learned from House along time ago is how to read people, and know when they're lying to me, no matter how good they are at it. It's in your voice, that guilt over doing something that could have hurt me. You feel like you betrayed my trust or just me by putting me in the same position he would've. You regret this morning, and you always will. Then there's the pain. You're hurt, and I hurt you by what I said. I'm sorry, but I won't lie to you. Please, Ray, do me the same courtesy and don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry."

* * *

"That was…unexpected," said House when Wilson stepped away.

"God, I don't know what came over me…I just…Oh, God," Wilson stepped back and slowly sunk back into his chair, burying his face in his hands.

"You're an idiot, get over it. It was just one kiss, if it meant something-" House's defences were up even higher now, and a powerful cruelty could be heard in every word.

"If? If it meant something?" asked Wilson, looking up with his trademark kicked puppy look, a mixture of anger and betrayal in his voice.

"Yeah…if-"

"House, I wouldn't have done it if it didn't mean something. Do you think I'm some kind of…of whore? That I'd just throw myself at you so that you'd stop moping over Chase? I realize it was stupid, that I didn't think about what I was doing, but to say it didn't mean anything, is…is just insulting!"

"To say it did mean something implies that you have feelings for me, which I may or may not feel obligated to return."

"Bullshit. You don't feel obligated to do anything. You are… are above the obligations of us mortal men," snapped Wilson with his own powerful sarcasm that made House cringe. He'd learned from the best; the man standing in front of him.

"That's just mean."

"Get over it. Either you care about me or you don't. Which is it?" asked Wilson, putting the ultimatum on the table and waiting for his friend to figure it out. House stared at him a moment, than turned on his heel and walked out, slamming the door in his wake.

**

* * *

A/N: R&R. If you hate the Chase/Ray, know it's ending now. I also hope I explained well enough why Chase loves House. Mostly because he never really hated him, simply didn't want to admit to loving him. Which is lame, but possible. And also, I just realized how incredibly long that chapter was... **


	18. I don't love you

**Disclaimer: If you think I own them….you're wrong.**

**A/N: I present to you the point in our story where the time lines finally line up! Please, enjoy.

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_Present _

House was in a state of semi-consciousness, where he could think, but do little to nothing else.

Things had changed. In the last four weeks he'd lost a duckling, and begun to gain a new lover. Could he let Chase go, move on with his life; accept the changes that were presented to him? The hospital was a wonderful place to think, and since he was flitting between consciousness and sub consciousness, he found himself with a lot of time to think.

Did he love Wilson? For the last month the thoughts and feelings had drawn a line between the two friends as House gauged his emotions and his regrets. He woke up that morning fully awake for the first time since the accident. Wilson was in the chair beside the bed, hands folded and head bent in what might've been an inaudible prayer or simply desperation and defeat. His appearance was easily that of a man who had not slept in weeks. House pulled his thoughts together. 

"Tell me you haven't been there the entire time I've been out," he said with his usual biting sarcasm. Wilson looked up so fast his neck cracked. His eyes were dark from lack of sleep and red from crying, and he had at least a few days of facial hair.

"Not the entire time. Fairheart sent me home a few times. God, I can't believe you're awake." Wilson looked about ready to throw himself into House's arms, when House stopped him with three simple words.

"Is Chase here?"

Ray and Chase arrived in the lobby and Chase instantly found himself surrounded by familiar faces. Nurses greeted him as he walked, smiling and welcoming him back. Many had not been there the night before when he first arrived, but had heard the rumour that he'd returned.

"You were pretty popular it seems," said Ray when the reached the elevator.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, every person back there knew you and welcomed you back."

"I make a habit of knowing people."

"Of course you do. And your dashing good looks and naturally flirtatious nature don't have a thing to do with it."

"Not at all."

Wilson stood up and glared down at House in a rather stunned silence.

"Is Chase back?" he repeated.

"That's what I said, no need to repeat me," said House. Wilson shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

"Is Chase back?" he repeated again, more in anger this time then shock.

"You really don't have to say it-"

"I can't believe you! I wait by your side, everyday for the last two weeks, I never desert you, never think about my own job or health, simply wait and hope and pray, and you want to know if Chase is back? House, he left! He doesn't care about you, he doesn't want you; in fact, he has a new boyfriend."

"What?" House sat up, rubbing his sides in pain, before lying back down again.

"Yeah, when he arrived he was pretty much wrapped around this other guy, Ray, and hardly stepped foot in your room for more than a few seconds."

"But he is here?"

"Are you even listening to me? He doesn't care! It took him two weeks to get back here, and then he came with his new boyfriend! Meanwhile I, the one that actually does care, never left your side, ever! I didn't desert you after your leg like Stacey did. I didn't give up on you after you started to neglect your job because Chase left. I never once betrayed you, but all you care about is whether or not he's here?" Wilson was so close to tears his eyes blurred and he couldn't see House, he was blinded by pain, anger and betrayal.

"Don't you understand, House? I love you! Me, not him, not anyone else." Wilson dropped back into the chair and grabbed House's hand and held it tight. House almost looked ashamed.

" Wilson," he said quietly. "I don't love you."

**

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A/N: R&R. I will have another chapter up SOON! By monday at the latest. **


	19. Moving on if I can

**Disclaimer: during my absence I somehow managed to steal the rights to both these shows and they now belong to me. In my dreams...Still not mine in real life. **

**A/N: wow, I totally fail at following through with my update promises...new chapter for you! Complete with a bit of angst, a lot of realizations, and even more letting go. The story draws to a close now, so enjoy. (this isn't the last chapter, but almost)

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**

When Chase and Ray reached the ICU they saw Wilson leaving House's room, Chase smiled grimly at Wilson, and walked towards him quickly, leaving Ray behind him and thinking of some form of comfort to give him.

They'd been friends before, and Chase felt that he had to repay the kindness that Wilson had shown him before he left. 

Wilson could see the younger doctor walking down the long hall, at his heels was the accused 'boyfriend'. He tried hard to maintain his cool, if only for professionalism and for House's sake. Still, the sight of the guilt ridden boy and his new friend tested his patients. He fought back tears, anger and jealousy as the distance between them closed with every step.

Then, when Chase was only a foot away, Wilson lost what was left of his control and snapped. He didn't even think of what he was doing, he simply reacted and let his hand fly, slapping the young doctor sharply across the face. Chase's head snapped to the side and as he regained his balance, hand placed on the near by wall for support, he gingerly touched his face where Wilson had hit him, and looked into those chocolate brown eyes with a stunned gaze. 

" Wilson-" he started, but Wilson was already shouting at him, unable to put into effect the control he'd be grasping at since leaving House's room.

"You have no idea what you're doing to him. You have no idea how much you've hurt him, how much he loves you! Do you? Do you!" Wilson pushed Chase down, and Ray dropped down to help him up.

"You don't deserve him, you never have and you never will, you know that right? He thinks that he loves you but you don't give a damn! You don't love him, not like I do!" Wilson shouted, tears stinging his eyes, anger magnified by the obvious affection of the compassionate other man.

"Hey, leave him alone, he never asked for this," said Ray in defence, hands on Chase's arm to help him up.

"Keep out of this, it's not your problem," Wilson snapped at Ray before returning his wrath to Chase.

"He loved you, more than anyone in his life, and you threw it in his face. Now you could at least have the decency of either pretending that you care, or fixing the mess you started and getting out of our life!"

"Wilson…" started Chase, pulling himself to his feet, using Ray as support, and dusted himself off. As he did, Wilson saw the bite mark on his neck, showing just under the collar of his t-shirt. His eyes got wide and he pulled at the collar to show off the hickey. He shook his head and pulled his hand quickly away as if on fire.

"I can't believe you. I can't fucking believe you!" He shot a deadly glare at Ray and then back at Chase. "God, I'm so sick and tired of you and your fucking problems. I took care or you; befriended you and protected you when nobody else would. Then you left, and destroyed everything I ever cared about!

"I loved him, through everything, and all you had to do was exist and he can't tear himself away from you. You never care about anyone but yourself; you don't see the pain you cause! You destroyed him! This, everything that's happened, is your own God damned fault!"

Wilson's words stung almost as bad as the bruise blossoming on his cheek; not because of the anger, but because Chase had been telling himself the same thing from the beginning.

Chase looked down, ashamed. This was his friend talking, the man who'd stood by him through so much, who'd always been so calm and carefree, who'd taken House's abuse in stride and laughed it off. The only person who could simultaneously give you the worst news you could ever hear and give you hope that it wasn't so bad.

He could stand up to House, and get down on one knee to speak eye to eye with a lost or sick child.

Through everything that had happened Wilson had taught Chase so much, and now it had come down to this, a shouting match and petty violence.

"I know," said Chase quietly. He stared at his feet, unable to meet Wilson's gaze as the shame burned inside of him. Ray's hand was heavy on his shoulder and Wilson's angry gaze seemed to eat right through him, but in reality it was his guilt that was heavy, and his pain that was eating him alive.

Wilson shook his head and pushed past them towards his office. Chase looked up at Ray and smiled weakly.

"I'll…I'll go talk to him," said Ray.

"No, you don't have to, Ray. He's right about one thing; this isn't your battle, its mine."

"Look, you go see your boss, and I'll go talk to the angry ex-lover."

"Ray, don't."

"Chase, listen to me. I can take care of myself, just don't worry about it. Where's his office." Chase sighed reluctantly.

"Third floor, he's head of oncology so his name's on the door."

"Thank you."

_Wilson__'s office _

The knock startled him. He wasn't expecting any patients; he wasn't expecting anyone at all. His office had been closed since the accident, as he was spending every waking minute by House's side. He took a deep breath to push the anger aside and called out.

"Come in." The door opened slowly and a spiky haired young man let himself in. Wilson stood from his desk, cautious about the man's intentions; not sure what he felt about the new comer.

"Can I talk to you?" asked Ray, closing the door and leaning lightly against it. Wilson just stared at him a moment, with the same look he might have while deciding what to order off the cafeteria menu, then nodded, indicating to the seat across the desk. Out of prey's instinct, he waited until Ray had taken the seat to sit down himself.

"What do we have to talk about?" he inquired, suspicion creeping into his voice and a bite of anger slipping into his voice. Ray's eyes showed the internal cringe at Wilson's tone, but the oncologist didn't apologize for his harshness.

Ray had considered the conversation on his way to the office, and decided try and not making any accusations or defences, simply factual statements, and let that guide the conversation.

"Well, lots actually. Chase being the major one."

"Your opinion is biased since you're fucking him, and you don't have all the information. So if that's what you came to talk about, then we have nothing to say to each other." This time the defiance was obvious, but Ray simply nodded in agreement.

"You're right, about all of that, but listen anyways. Chase does love him." Wilson scoffed.

"He has a funny way of showing it."

"I know, but you haven't seen him for the last six months, I have. He never really got over what happened, and after the crash he was a mess. He completely shut down, and I don't think he's fully recovered yet. It may seem like he doesn't love House, but he does."

"Look, Doctor…"

"Barnett."

"Dr. Barnett. House and I have been friends since before you were in med school; I've known him my entire adult life and I've never seen him like this. He loves Chase, I understand that, but I don't think that Chase loves him back." Wilson fought to keep the anger out of his voice, to stay calm and collected.

"I don't know House like you do, and you don't know Chase like I do."

"I've known Chase for four years, you've known him for six months."

"I still know him better than you do."

"You think just because you two had sex you know him better than I do? Just because you know his body, doesn't mean you know his mind." Ray nodded.

"I understand that..."

"Look, you two obviously have some sort of relationship. And if that much is true then I am right, and Chase doesn't love House."

"No, you're wrong. You know who Chase compares every doctor in the ER, OR and ICU with? House. You know who Chase compares himself to when he can't figure something out? House. You know what Chase says when he fails at something? 'House would never forgive me for that one'. You know who Chase talks about in his sleep? House. We're not together; I'm a substitute for the one he really loves. I just helped him find something in himself that he wasn't sure was there.

"He told me this morning, after we…" Ray took a deep breath, trying to keep the anger out of his words, "after we had sex, that he loves House. He wasn't sure before, but he knows now. Do you know how hard that is to hear? But he said it, and he meant it. He told me that he was just confused, but that after everything they've been through, he does love him." Ray stood up. Wilson didn't move, he just stared at his desk, and then nodded.

"I never knew that."

"You never wanted to."

"You're here."

Chase closed the door behind him before looking down at his boss. House's body was covered in healing green and yellow bruises and clean white bandages that covered cuts and stitches. His cane was leaning against the foot of the bed. He was a mess.

"Yeah." Chase walked into the room and sat down on the side of the bed, so he could see House, who had moved himself and the bed to a half sitting position. Chase looked down into those crystal blue eyes and he couldn't stop the tears. His forced smile weakened and his vision grew foggy.

"You're not going to cry, are you?" asked House. Chase tried to fight the tears back, but he couldn't.

"Maybe I am. God, I thought I'd lost you, and I didn't know what to do. I hated you, but it hurt so much to loose you. I was so confused. I thought I hated you, but I knew in my heart that I didn't, that I couldn't."

"Then you don't hate me anymore?" House's words were cautious, questioning, instead of his usual blunt manner and it made Chase smile a little and shake his head.

"No, I don't hate you, I never really did. Even when I left, it hurt to walk away from you. Even when I said I wouldn't come back, I wanted to. I was scared, House, that's why I ran. I wasn't ready to deal with who I was, who you wanted me to be. Even though I did hate you at times, and even though I'm still scared, I realize that you'll always be a part of me. I didn't want to believe that. I wanted to be my own person, start my own life, settle down and have a family. I wasn't ready to give up everything I thought life was supposed to be, and now…now I think I am." House smiled and noticed the red spot on Chase's face for the first time. His smile instantly faded.

"Who hit you?" he asked, reaching out to touch Chase's face softly.

"What?"

"There's a bruise on your face, right here. Who hit you? It wasn't a boyfriend was it? Wilson told me you had a boyfriend, and if he hit you, I'll kill him. Only I'm allowed to hurt you, nobody else," said House, more defensively than he had any right to be. Chase put his hand on House's and smiled weakly.

"I don't have a boyfriend, I have a friend. And even if we were dating, he would never hit me."

"Then who did?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Ah, so remind me to smack Wilson for you then." Chase choked on something caught between a sob and a laugh. House smiled at the strange noise, and raised his other arm in an invitation for a strange kind of closeness. Chase carefully slipped into the soft embrace and laid his head on lightly House's chest so he could hear his heart beat over the monitors. House wrapped his arms loosely around the boy, resting his face against the top of Chase's head and kissing him gently.

"I love you," he whispered into the soft blond hair. There was a pause that dragged on for a moment. Then, a soft accent answered back.

"I…I love you too."

"Why'd he come back?" asked Wilson. They'd moved the conversation to the couch where Wilson usually spoke with patients.

"I don't know. He said he couldn't stand to just wait around for the next phone call, he had to be here."

"That's a preposterous reason. There had to be something else."

"That's what he told me, but I presume now that it was because he didn't want to be somewhere else when the person he cared so much about was hurt. He probably realized what House meant to him, and knowing how much it would hurt to lose him, he abandoned all denial about his feelings and acted on a whim."

"I think it was at least partially out of guilt."

"Yeah, that too. Chase never stops blaming himself when things go wrong."

"Guilt and love aren't the same thing. Do you think that it's possible that he's confusing the two?"

"I don't know. Only he can figure that out."

"I won't let him hurt House anymore. I can't watch him fall gain. I've been there for everything, and it just gets harder to watch him get hurt."

"True friends share that kind of pain, and someone as close to him as you obviously are would suffer through everything just as much as he does, no matter how much distance you try and put between yourself and him. No matter what, you're always going to face his troubles beside him. Just because he loves someone else, doesn't mean you'll stop loving him, right?"

"Are you an Emergency Response Doctor, or a Psychologist?" laughed Wilson. Ray smiled.

"A little bit of both today. Look, all know is that no matter what I think, and no matter what I do, Chase is going to love House. I can't change that."

"Look, Ray, I can't just let go of House. And I doubt that you can just let go of him. So what are we going to do?"

"Maybe, just maybe…we let them decide what happens, and we let them go because we love them? It doesn't mean we leave them, just…give them the chance to find happiness in each other. And be there to take care of them if anything happens. True friends mean more than lovers any day."

"I guess…I guess you're right." His anger had dissipated and he found that Ray's thinking and reasoning was very impressive, even House would be impressed, or probably not. Ray leaned back, stretching arms and cracking his back, before smiling kindly at Wilson.

"Can you point me in the direction of the cafeteria? I haven't eaten yet today." Wilson looked up with a confused look.

"What? We're talking about letting go of the ones we love, and you want breakfast?" Ray shrugged.

"Yeah. Chase and House are probably working out their problems right now, so the best thing we can do is stay out of their way. Can I buy you a coffee, maybe something to eat? I get the feeling you haven't gone home for a couple of days." Wilson smiled, nodded and stood.

"Sure."

**

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A/N: R&R. I will have another chapter up SOON! I think...**


	20. and life goes on

**Disclaimer: during my absence I somehow managed to steal the rights to both these shows and they now belong to me. In my dreams...Still not mine in real life. **

**A/N: Wow, second last chapter...yes I have an epilog of sorts. This chapter is just a 'draw to a close'/'life is back to normal' kind of chapter in which our couples pair off and everything finally ends. Thank you to those of you who have stuck through to the end. And I got it up in a resonable amount of time too! Enjoy.

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_A week later, and a phone call home _

"This is a huge change you're talking about, Ray. Are you sure you want to do this? You're not together, and you're not obligated to be with him. He's not your responsibility and this is your home," said Luca over the phone.

Ray was transferring to New Jersey. He'd wanted a change for so long, but had never been motivated enough to actually do anything. Now, a week after arriving in the small campus town and after everything that had happened around him, he wanted to stay. 

"I think so. Look, Luca, I know it's stupid, and I know that it's not the most rational thing I've ever done. It's definitely more than a little rushed, but I think that this is what I want to do. Besides, I'm in New Jersey, and I'm starting to like it here."

"Alright, Ray, if you're absolutely sure."

"I am, Luca. I think this is where I belong."

"How can you be sure, you've only been there for a little while? Are you sure that this is the kind of thing you want to do? You only have one more year of residency and then you'll be a full time doctor. You've got so much going for you here."

"You just don't want to hire another doctor."

"That too, but don't change the subject, Ray. You've been here for years now. You're working your way up, why the sudden change of heart?"

"It's not really sudden. It's something I've wanted to do for a while. I've lived in Chicago my entire life; I think it's time for a change."

"But right now? Your reasoning is based entirely on an irrational need to protect someone else. Did you tell me before that you never made decisions that were better suited to the needs of someone else?"

"I did say that, but I also know that sometimes you have to give things up and take a risk that seems impossible or crazy."

"For what?"

"You have to take a chance if you want to succeed. I need to change or I'm going to be stuck in the same thing forever. I'm just going to go around in circles, stay the same person. I need to grow, Luca, and here's where my new life begins."

"You're going to begin your new life by dropping everything for someone who doesn't love you?"

"It's not about love, it's about…everything. It's about friendship, new beginnings and the fact that my life will never be the same either way."

"Well, what can I say to change your mind?"

"Nothing, Luca. You've all been great to me all these years, but the time has come for me to move and show my skills with new people."

"Alright…come visit us anytime, we're definitely going to miss you around here. And tell Chase I said hello."

"Yeah, sure thing, Luca. Oh and good luck with Abby, call me when the baby's born and all that stuff. We'll definitely make a trip out there."

"Thanks. Good luck to you too."

"Thanks." Ray hung up the phone in House's office and turned to Chase, smiling casually as if this was the way things had always been.

"Ray, you know…you know that I'm with House now, you don't have to stay if you don't want to," said Chase. Ray nodded and put his arm around Chase's shoulders, leading his friend out of the office and down the hall.

"I know, but just in case you ever need me, I'll always be here. I talked to the Dean of Medicine today and I've got a job in your ER, so maybe we'll see each other around?"

"I don't think I'll ever escape you. Not that I'd want to, but still. House isn't going to be too happy about the thought of sharing me with you, even just the little it is, and you know that right?"

"Tell him to suck it up." The two laughed.

"How is he by the way?" asked Ray.

"He's fine, everything's healing nicely and he'll be back on his feet in no time, well as 'one his feet' as he's ever been."

"So physically he's all good, but what about emotionally, or psychologically?" Chase stopped walking and looked up at Ray sadly.

"He's going to be okay, we both are, but it's hard. Six months is a long time to think, and we've been through so much. Sometime I wonder if I made the right choice, but I love him. After all that happened, maybe I am ready…ready to let him try, ready to try myself. And you know something; it's all thanks to you."

"Well, that's what I'm here for, making sure everyone else falls in love, but never falling myself. You can call me Mr. Matchmaker." The two laughed and Chase smiled mischievously.

"If you want to fall in love, I hear Wilson's still single," chided Chase causing Ray to blush a soft shade of pink.

"We'll see about that," said Ray, leading Chase towards the elevator and out of the building.

_Two Months later _

House's first day of work he was leaning carefully on his cane to keep his balance and his weight off his re-injured leg. He also had one arm wrapped around Chase's shoulders for the added support and the closeness to his lover.

At the sight of their usually independent boss and his loyal new love and former fellow, Foreman laughed and Kiera smiled. They were sitting side by side on the couch, reading some of the newspapers and magazines that littered the office.

They were back for the first time in a few weeks as well, having been switched to other departments while their boss mended. Foreman had been in clinic and where ever else he'd been needed, and Kiera had been back in the ICU.

"Well look at that, House does always get what he wants," said Foreman. Even House cracked a smile.

"I told you I did. I'm like the FBI for that, I always get my man." Chase helped him towards a chair and got him to sit down. House winced in pain before relaxing.

"Hope you don't mind, but it's bring your boyfriend to work day," he said with a soft sarcasm. Kiera smiled and put her hand on gently on Foreman's and smiled.

"I've got mine, so we're both all set," she said. Chase laughed; his hand resting protectively on House's shoulder.

"Oh, Foreman finally got lucky, eh?"

"Luck had nothing to do with it, my man, I am just that suave."

"Of course you are."

"Now all we need to do is get Wilson a boyfriend and we're all set," said House.

An awkward silence spread through the room, as the aforementioned oncologist walked in to the diagnostics lounge, where the four doctors were sitting. He looked at each of the doctors around the table and shook his head.

"See, now I think you that you were talking about me before I got here," he said, turning a chair so it was backwards and taking a seat at the opposite end of the table from House.

"We're always talking about you, Jimmy. You're just so easy to pick on."

"Well, at least I'm good for something. Are you ready to get your ass in gear? I've got a case for you."

"And life is back to normal."

**

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A/N: Well, on more chapter by the end of the week and we're all done. Thank you, R&R. **


	21. Epilogue The Ending

**Disclaimer: I tried very hard to find a way to own these shows, or at least the actors in them, but I was unsuccessful. **

**a/N: This is the official Last Chapter. An epilogue, bonus chapter for someone who suggested Ray and Wison hook up. Read on.

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**_Bonus Chapter for _zamber (anon user) 

_Epilogue_

_two months later_

"Sometimes it's just too hard to see them together and think of how much they hurt each other. Maybe I'm still jealous that I never stood a chance, but I'm worried that they won't last and they'll just end up hurting each other again," said Wilson. 

He and Ray were out getting a drink after work, something they did on a nearly weekly basis, and talking about their favourite couple, House and Chase.

"House fought hard for Chase, and so long as Chase is happy, so am I," said Ray, taking a long drink of his beer.

"That was beyond cheesy, Ray, it was almost funny."

"Yes, but it's true."

"So we're gonna go with the 'I'm just petty and jealous' theory because I don't share your theory?"

"Which theory is that?"

"That our happiness should be directly related to whether or not they're happy?"

"Ah, that theory. Yes, that sounds good to me." Both men laughed.

"I guess that I did have every chance. So many years of friendship and I never once thought to make a move. I got married, three times, but it was never really what I wanted, just what I knew I should want. And of course it failed-three times-and here I am, in love with my best friend who's already found someone to share his life with. And someone considerably younger than him too."

"Only what, ten-fifteen-years, right? Not too big a deal." Ray asked trying to look and sound unconcerned and uninterested. Wilson looked at him for a second and shook his head, seeing through his façade and calling his bluff.

"You hate it too, so don't even try to pretend otherwise."

"I'm not pretending. I honestly believe that so long as they're happy together, I should share that feeling of joy."

"Bullshit. That theory of yours is absolute bogus and we both know it."

"You're right. I'm just as petty as you are. I miss him, and I'm jealous that he's happy and I'm alone. I hate that I helped him through everything, through all the pain and he still chose to be with the one inflicting it. He's like a victim, in every sense of the word. I can see the words 'he only hits me because he loves me' in everything he does. He just keeps going back to the person who hurts him."

"That's not fair, you don't really know House as well as Chase and I do. He's not that bad."

"I do know that. I know that Chase loves him, and I know that I should be happy for them. And I am. As much as it kills me that I've got nothing I just remember that I'm here, starting a new life and everything seems to be going well enough for me."

"Well enough to include a weekly excursion to the bar with an old gay doctor who's still crying over the loss of a love he never really had."

And after a long moment of silence, Ray said something that he thought he'd never say.

" Wilson, do you ever consider our weekly excursions 'dates'?" Wilson almost chocked on his beer, shocked by the sudden and unexpected bluntness of Ray's statement. It was something he should've been expecting, as Ray's statements were always sudden and usually fairly blunt, but the depth of the question stunned him.

"What?" he sputtered out, unable to gather his thoughts enough to answer the younger doctor.

"Well, we're two single, gay guys that spend three to four hours a week at a bar just hanging out and drinking. Either we're really good friends or…"

"Ray, I…" Wilson trailed off, unable to convince himself that the idea was totally preposterous.

He looked back on the last couple months and realized that he had wondered that for a while himself and had been trying to get up the courage to ask the exact same thing.

Ray was such a different person. He was intelligent and compassionate. He listened and gave educated and accurate responses that were not meant to hurt the person he was talking to. He believed in everything he said, even the total Bullshit, and never said anything with out a reason. He had a sweet laugh and incredible determination. Wilson liked to spend time with him for all these reasons and more.

Ray was still a musician. Even after leaving everything behind he'd still pick up his guitar and play a soft melody. On the rare occasion that they had dinner at one of their homes Ray would play some music. Some that he'd written and some that he'd learned. He loved sharing his art, his passion, with Wilson. They were becoming fast friends, despite their rocky start, and he found himself leaning on Wilson the way Chase had leaned on him; just to know that somebody cared about what was going on.

Wilson had found out early on that there was something about Ray that you just had to love. Whether it was his honesty, his sincerity, or his intensity, he was truly one of a kind. Wilson had begun to wonder how Chase had ever left this kind soul behind him, and how he could have gotten through the last month with out Ray's strange philosophy on life and intense belief that they would survive without the ones that were never really theirs.

Ray broke through his thoughts, believing that the long silence was because he'd said something wrong. Wilson looked into those soft, kind eyes as the musician spoke.

"Look, I'm sorry I pushed, I just want to know what we are, and where we stand," said Ray, running his fingers though his dark, but unspiked, hair. "That's just the kind of person I am."

"No, its not that, it's okay, it's just…I was actually…I was trying to figure that out myself."

"So where are we? Is this a relationship or not? Because I'm okay with either. I don't want to push, and I definitely don't want to loose your friendship. We have so much in common…I just wondered if there was something more, or even a chance of something more."

"I think…" Wilson took a deep breath and held it for several seconds before nodding slowly. "I think it is."

"Really?" asked Ray.

"Really," replied Wilson. Ray nodded a few times, as if trying to wrap his mind around the statement. When he looked up again he smiled and raised his beer towards Wilson. "Well then; here's to us, and getting over our exes and on with our lives. Together." Wilson clinked his bottle against Ray's and nodded in agreement.

"Together."

End

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A/N: And with that I leave you. I ended up pairing almost everyone off, and I think I've ended on a good note. I hope you enjoyed this, as I have enjoyed writting it. I didn't mean for the last chapter to take so long to get up, but I had no internet for the last two weeks. Thank you for reading. 


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